Uncommon Law
by Random1377
Summary: More cliches and overused plots.  Boring and tiresome and painfully unoriginal.  I'd recommend a good CosmoTeen over this fic, or maybe a gum wrapper.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own EVA. If the owners say to, I'll take this story offline. Thanks.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 1

Life is mean. Shinji learned this little lesson at a very young age, and throughout his life, it had been reinforced time and time again. As long as he could remember, just getting by was fine with him. He had no desire to try to make his situation better, as that made Life (capitalized in this instance) pay more attention to you – like the time he found that bike in a pile of trash and tried to take it home, and ended up being taken into the police station by a 'helpful' patrolman.

Thursday, he found, was going to be very similar.

"Mail's here," he called, wandering into the hallway to pick up the rather sizeable stack of junk sitting by the front door.

"Don't touch mine," Asuka called from the bathroom, "I'm expecting something from Germany."

Shinji nodded, even though she was several rooms away, and quickly dropped a thick envelope with a foreign postmark onto the kitchen table. "It's here," he called, sorting through the other items – mostly junk mail – and arranging them in stacks based on who they were for. "Look, PenPen," he mumbled, holding up a thin envelope, "looks like you may have already won a trip to Bermuda… how lucky can you get?"

Glancing up at him, the penguin offered a simple, "Wagh," as if to say, 'Well, open it up!'

Handing him the envelope, Shinji looked at his own mail.

"Junk," he muttered, shuffling through the articles one by one, "junk, junk, junk… man, how do people find out you're a pilot when you work for a top secret organization? …and why do they think that you have tons of money? I don't want a credit card!" Sighing, he singled out a handful of letters in plain envelopes and shoved the rest into the garbage.

Selecting one at random, he tore it open and scanned the contents.

_Mortgage?_ he thought dismally. _I thought they had to put their company names on the outside if they were solicitations?_

Tossing the letter aside, he tore open two more like it – from the same company, no less – before coming to an envelope with the official seal of Tokyo-3 on it. "What do they want?" he wondered. Usually, official matters were handled by NERV, unless maybe it was something to do with school, though even that usually went through Misato. He frowned as he re-read the address on the sticker.

It had been addressed to Asuka as well.

_Has to be for school,_ he reasoned, wondering if he should wait for Asuka to be there to open it. _Weird._

There was no way of knowing what the letter inside said, of course, so Shinji was perfectly within his rights to let out a little shriek at reading the headline… but in retrospect, he really should have seen something like this coming.

After all, Life… was… mean.

"What the hell are you yelling about?" Asuka demanded, fluffing her hair with a towel as she stomped into the kitchen. "You better have cut off a finger, Third Child," she muttered, "I-"

Without preamble, Shinji thrust the letter into Asuka's face.

Asuka read, her lips moving as her eyes scanned the page.

"Married…?"

Shinji nodded as the girl's eyes went wide. "Y-yeah," he stammered, "I guess there's… some kind of law or something that says if you live together for six months you-"

"Pervert!"

"…huh?"

"Pervert, pervert, pervert!" Asuka screamed. "You did this! You just want my tender, virgin body!"

"No!" Shinji cried, "I-"

"Wah!" Asuka cut in, clapping her hands over her ears, "Now you don't want me! My own husband won't even touch me!"

Paling, Shinji opened his mouth to argue that he _did_ want to touch her… but a moment before he let this (probably fatal) comment go, he noticed the tiny smirk at the corner of Asuka's lips.

As the boy's lips clamped shut, Asuka snorted, dropping the act at once. "Feh," she mumbled. "Common law act of 2009, Third – everyone in grade school knows it. You have a week to contest the arbitrary marriage. Don't you read your textbooks? It was a protective measure instituted by the government to ensure the survival of the species, or some crap like that. It's only binding after a week's up, and even then, you can get it annulled within a month." Her eyes narrowed. "I've had the paperwork filled out for three weeks, just waiting for the notice to come in."

Shinji shrank in on himself. "Oh."

"Like I'd let myself be hitched to your dumb ass."

With this final barb, Asuka turned and headed back into the bathroom. Several seconds later, the sound of her hair dryer filled the apartment.

Sighing, Shinji reread the letter, easily spotting (now that he was calmer) the address to mail in your dispute paperwork. It was almost too easy, he mused as he set the letter on the table.

_I guess marriage doesn't mean as much as it used to._

Glancing at the rest of his mail, he found nothing else of interest. With a wry smile, he went to his room to study, thinking that – even if it was only for a minute – he had actually been legally married to Asuka.

( 0 0 0 )

Several hours later, Shinji sat in his room, listening to his SDAT. Asuka had assured him that she would have mailed the papers before the notice even came in if she could have, so he really had nothing to do with the process at that point, but he was still marveling over the fact that the common law rules had changed so drastically.

_I guess I knew about common law,_ he thought as his tape deck switched tracks, _but in the old pre-impact movies it was always like, seven years._

Blinking, he realized that someone was tapping on his door.

"Come in," he called, clicking his SDAT off and sitting up in bed. "Oh, Misato… what's up? I'll start cooking dinner in a few-"

"It's a wife's job to cook dinner."

Shinji frowned. Misato did not look like she was kidding.

"Huh?"

Holding up a very familiar looking letter, Misato said, "Saw this on the table."

"Oh," Shinji replied, "yeah, I guess Asuka and I are married… you know, until she sends the paperwork in tomorrow."

Looking a bit green, Misato glanced at the letter. "I umm… mine was on a different kind of letterhead."

Nodding, Shinji started to say, 'They probably have a couple different types,' but simply let his mouth hang open as he realized what she was saying.

"I was gonna tell you," Misato said guiltily, "you know, laugh it off for a few before I sent in the paperwork, but, well, there were angels, and work, and Asuka, and… and a whole bunch of stuff, and I… I kind of forgot."

"How… how long?" Shinji whispered, feeling a bit dizzy.

"Erm, two months," Misato said, looking very sheepish. "It's a little too late for contending, or annulment, so… we're going to have to file for divorce. Sorry."

"Why are you so sad?" Shinji wondered, seeing the tight lines around the woman's eyes.

Misato pursed her lips. "Psychological thing, I guess," she mumbled. "I just… kind of didn't want to be a divorcee before I was thirty – Hell, I didn't want to be a divorcee at _all_. It's just me."

"Oh…"

"There's something else, too."

Shinji tilted his head. "What is it?"

"Married employees get more money," Misato informed him levelly, "like, a lot more."

"Isn't that discrimination or something?" Shinji asked, horrified that your income could be determined by your marital status.

Misato wrinkled her nose. "They call it incentive," she said in a lecturing tone, "repopulating the world is a top priority, don't you know. NERV is 'patriotically' trying to do its part. It takes a while for the paperwork to go through, so I didn't really think anything of it, but I just called payroll… and they said my check for this week is more than double what it usually is."

They fell silent for several minutes before Shinji nodded to himself. "Alright," he said softly, "then, umm… let's just leave it."

"Huh?"

Averting his eyes, Shinji said, "I know you don't get paid much, and if we have to do the whole divorce thing anyway, we could just put it off for a little while, you know? I don't mind."

Arching an eyebrow, Misato gave him a faint smile. "Oh, you don't 'mind' being married to me if there's money involved, huh?" she snorted. "I've married a prince."

"I'm sor-"

"Forget it."

Slowly folding the paper up and slipping it into her jacket, Misato stared into Shinji's eyes.

"I really _could_ use the money," she admitted quietly. "I could pay off my car, take care of some bills… maybe even save up a couple bucks for that vacation I keep telling myself I'll get someday. It would be a nice gesture, Shinji, but I don't think it would be really practical. You'd be married to a woman twice your age, and you wouldn't even be getting anything out of it – plus you couldn't get married to someone else until we were properly divorced. If you think about it, it's not such a hot idea."

Giving her a weak smile, Shinji observed, "I don't think I'll be getting married any time in the next few months, Misato, and if it helps you out, then I'm getting something out of it."

Chewing her lip, Misato pondered the situation. "You're making this really hard, you know."

"Not really," Shinji said. "Just don't tell anyone about it, collect your paycheck for a while, and then when you've got your stuff taken care of, we'll go get divorced really quietly. No one even has to know we're married at all."

Misato sighed. "I still think you're getting the short end of the stick," she said, holding out her hand for him to take, "but if you're up for it, what the hell."

Shinji shook her hand, blushing faintly all the while.

"Nothing will change," he said slowly, "so it's not like I'm really _doing_ anything."

Nodding, Misato conceded, "I guess you're right. So, umm… thanks, then."

"Sure."

Unable to resist, Misato gave him a sly wink. "Goodnight, husband," she said brightly, "I'd sleep in here, but the bed is so small and I'm such a wild sleeper – you know how it is. Sweet dreams."

As Shinji choked on his own spit, Misato chuckled and headed into her room for the evening. _With this setup_, she thought, _I might actually be able to get ahead for a change. And really,_ _Shinji's right – it's not like anything's gonna change. It's just a piece of paper._

She closed her eyes, and was soon asleep.

Life is mean.

Misato and Shinji simply had no idea _how_ mean it could be.

Continued…?

Author's notes: this little story was inspired by Hawk's Love Hina story, _Married with Princess_. I talked to him about using the idea before posting, and he pre-read it to make sure that it didn't come out _too_ close to his. I know the idea of Shinji being hooked up like this has been done about a billion times (I can think of Innortal's _I do_ and JimmyWolk's _The Ikaris_ just off the top of my head) but I don't think anyone's ever had him saddled with Misato. If it ends up sucking, well, you can always read Hawk's original, which is probably a billion times better.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 2

For a while, nothing changed. True to her word, Asuka sent her paperwork off the next day, after watching Shinji sign it to 'make sure he wasn't trying anything funny,' and that weekend, Misato took all the Children out to dinner. Not steak dinner – she did use most of her check for bills – but dinner nonetheless.

Asuka never even questioned where she had gotten the extra cash.

Shinji found it rather easy to forget that he was a married man, partly because Asuka and Misato had made so little fuss about things, and partly because there really wasn't anything to make a fuss _about_.

As he had said – nothing changed.

Until the next Tuesday.

"Ayanami."

"Present."

_I wonder if I should make Italian food tonight,_ Shinji wondered as the teacher took roll that morning, _Asuka__ mentioned something about not having good lasagna since leaving __Germany_

"Burton."

"She's out today, sir."

_I think I have a pan big enough to bake it, I just need a recipe._

Shinji continued to ponder over dinner as the roll went on, unaware that his name had not been called.

"Karisawa."

"Here."

"Katsuragi."

Shinji blinked and looked up from his musings.

"Katsuragi… Shinji," the teacher called, adjusting his glasses as he looked at the roll. "Oh… I see," he said, nodding as he read whatever was noted on his sheet, "Sorry about that, Ikari… you're probably not used to your new name yet. Oh, and congratulations."

Had class not been about to start, everyone would have been staring… as it was, Shinji's computer laptop practically exploded with instant messages, and he was very, _very_ thankful that Asuka had been called in for a synch test.

He could not even imagine the bloodshed that was to come when she found out.

As discretely as he could, Shinji edged his toe under the desk and kicked the power cord until it came loose. "Sensei," he called, raising his hand and getting to his feet, "my laptop's broken – may I be excused to get a replacement?"

The teacher sighed. "Fix it after class," he said tiredly, "just use a pen and paper, Ik- Katsuragi… it was good enough in my day."

"Y-yes sir."

Bowing his head, Shinji made himself very small.

It didn't save him.

"You're banging Misato?" Touji demanded the second the teacher had left the room for lunch break. "You lucky bastard!"

"I'm not… sleeping with her," Shinji insisted, noting (with much appreciation) that his two friends had positioned themselves rudely in front of his desk and glared until the curious crowd dispersed, "I'm just married to her."

And for reasons they could not explain, men everywhere suddenly sneezed.

"But you _could._"

"Well, yeah," Shinji said helplessly, "but so could you. I mean, you don't have to be married to have sex with someone."

"Sure helps, though," Kensuke observed. "So you're just doing it to help her out, huh? Better not tell anyone that part."

"Yeah," Touji agreed, "people might think you're a fag."

Kensuke rolled his eyes. "Well, that's not quite what I meant," he mused, "but Suzuhara's got a point."

"Shh, shh," Touji said suddenly.

"What, is someone coming?"

"No, I was just thinking about something Shinji just said."

"What?" Shinji wondered.

"The part about me having sex with Misato."

Kensuke snorted. "Yeah, in your dreams."

"Exactly," Touji said with some satisfaction, "and it's hard to dream with you yammering, so shut up."

Shinji and Kensuke exchanged disgusted glances as the other boy closed his eyes and laced his fingers behind his head. By mutual accord, they left without another word.

( 0 0 0 )

Misato yawned as she stepped into the apartment and slipped her shoes off. It had been a long day, but not terribly stressful, so she was tired without quite being exhausted. And hungry, she realized as she caught a whiff of whatever Shinji was cooking.

Very hungry.

"Honey, I'm home!" she shouted, taking great pleasure in hearing two pans knock into each other.

_Man I love playing with that kid._

"Is it done?" she asked, finding Shinji rearranging things on the stove as she came into the kitchen.

"Not yet," Shinji said, taking off his apron and gesturing for her to follow him into the living room. "Needs to simmer."

Misato pouted, glancing longingly at the stove before accompanying Shinji. "What's up?"

"My name," Shinji blurted. "I'm Shinji Katsuragi now!"

"Oh?" Misato said. "Is that part of the common law deal?"

"I don't know," Shinji protested, "they just… changed it." Frowning, he said, "Why mine and not yours?"

"Probably because I'm older," Misato observed. "Name changes usually go female to male, but sometimes, if the woman is-"

"I don't mean to interrupt," Shinji interrupted, "but can I change it back?"

Misato shrugged. "Do you really care that much?"

Mulling it over for a moment, Shinji whispered, "Yeah, I do… Ikari was my mother's name."

"Oh, right… sorry," Misato said, "umm… do you mind keeping it until the divorce? Changing names is almost as much paperwork as divorce."

"As long as it's temporary," Shinji agreed. "You're right, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to get so worked up."

Misato waved a hand. "Forget it," she said brightly, "actually, it's kind of cute." She gave him a lopsided smile. "Seeing you get worked up kind of relieves me… you're not passionate about very much stuff."

"I'm not?"

"Huh uh."

"Hmm."

Shinji's eyes widened as the front door to the apartment opened with a bang.

Misato tilted her head as a string of German words (curses, she guessed) filled the air.

"…and speaking of passionate."

"_Thiiiiiiiiird__!"_

Though his knees felt a lot like they should be knocking, Shinji stood his ground – mostly because Misato was between him and the clearly irate redhead, and the coffee table was between him and his room, making it so that if he made a run for it, he would trip and break his neck.

Which may, he thought, be preferable to facing Asuka's wrath.

"I-in here."

Asuka stomped into the living room. "You cheating little bastard!"

Shinji moved further behind Misato. "Ch-cheating?" he sputtered, "but you filed the paperwork yours-"

"It's not final yet," Asuka cut in, jabbing a finger at Shinji, "which means you're mine until then. Now as your wife, I demand that you take me to my room and ride me until my bedsprings squeak and my toes curl!"

Misato rolled her eyes as Shinji swooned. "You know his heart can't take this kind of abuse," she sighed, "and were you aware that you can't keep a straight face when you're lying?"

Asuka shrugged. "Eh, I wasn't trying that hard," she said absently.

Recovering his wits, Shinji timidly said, "You're not… mad?"

"Why would I be?" Asuka snorted. "Like I care if you two are screwing the system – puh-lease." She grinned suddenly. "Though with Misato married, it _does_ leave Mister Kaji completely available. Now if you'll excuse me… I have a phone call to make."

Shinji watched her glide into her bedroom with her head held high, pausing only to pick up the receiver for the cordless phone before closing the door and turning the simple lock she had installed herself. "Huh," he mused, "guess everyone's a winner."

Turning around, however, he found Misato frantically dialing her cell phone.

_Well,_ he thought, _almost everyone…_

Continued…

Author's notes: short chapters, rapid deployment, that's my motto for this fic. You'll know I'm running short on ideas when the chapters get further apart. I figure I have about 6-7 chapters worth of scenes for this one, but hey, I've been wrong before.

Hawk pre-read again, cuz he's helpful like that.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 3

Shinji found, during the next two days, that gossip somehow traveled faster than the speed of sound. By the time he went in to NERV for synch tests, everyone had gotten the word that he was now Mister Katsuragi… and everyone felt the need to give him a hard time about it – especially, for reasons Shinji could not understand, Mister Hyouga, who seemed particularly grumpy when Misato playfully ruffled Shinji's hair and teasingly told everyone on the bridge that they better keep their hands off her husband.

Add to this the fact that Asuka had been cranky since Misato had out-dialed her the day Shinji had found out about his new name, and you end up with a very nervous, very jittery Third who spent his time avoiding everyone – especially the redhead, just in case she decided to vent her frustrations on him.

He certainly didn't want to be a battered husband.

_It's probably a good thing that I'm not going to stay married to her TOO,_ he mused as they climbed out of the test plugs, _she'd find a way to get me to make her breakfast every day, and walk to school with her, and… wait, maybe we've been married since she moved in._

"Tests are done for the week," Ritsuko informed them over the intercom, "you're free until Monday."

"Thank God," Asuka mumbled, "I'm going to get drunk."

Shinji tripped over his own feet, catching himself on one of the thick catwalk railings before he could fall. "Drunk?"

"I'm old enough… in Germany," Asuka pointed out bitterly, "I just need to find place here that'll serve me – or just go home and raid Misato's stash, one or the other."

"But, but…" Shinji tried to find a good argument, "but you shouldn't!"

Quite obviously, he failed.

"It's good enough for your wife," the Second said flatly, "and I definitely don't want to be sober while the two of you are around playing kissyface."

"We're don't-"

"Katsuragi."

Shinji blinked as he realized that he was the one being addressed.

"Hmm?"

"Will you… let go?"

Glancing over his shoulder, Shinji found that what he had mistaken for a railing was actually the First Child's thigh… and a rather high point _on_ her thigh, as well.

"Gahh!"

Yanking his hand away, Shinji toppled over backward, hitting his head on the floor with a rather meaty 'thunk' and producing some very interesting spiral patterns in front of his eyes.

"…ow."

"Idiot."

Shinji tried to rise, but found himself restrained by four surprisingly gentle hands. Blinking a few times to clear his vision, he found both Asuka and Rei kneeling on either side of him and keeping him from moving, their eyes studying his face intently to see how bad the damage was.

"How many fingers?" Asuka asked quietly, holding up one gloved hand.

"Er… six?"

Asuka glanced at Rei. "Concussion?"

"Unlikely, but possible," the blue-haired girl replied. "Katsuragi… let me see your eyes."

"Call me Ikari."

"Hmm?"

Shinji closed his eyes, no longer even aware of what he was saying.

"I like the way it sounds when you say Ikari…"

As he passed out, Asuka threw her hands up in the air. "Super," she muttered, "married to Misato, living with me, hitting on you. Casanova, eat your heart out."

Lifting her eyes, she found Rei gazing consideringly down at Shinji.

"…interesting."

Before Asuka could comment on this, the medical team arrived, strapped Shinji to a board, and hustled him away to the infirmary, where it was found that he had simply blacked out… though when he woke, he was nearly _given_ a concussion as Asuka smacked him several times while hurling incomprehensible German curse words at him.

Shinji had no idea why she was so mad.

…Asuka probably didn't either.

( 0 0 0 )

"So, how are the scores?"

Ritsuko shrugged, pouring over her paperwork as Misato came into her office. "Eh, same as always," she murmured. "Your husband will have to have another test tomorrow to see if that bump on the head affected him at all, but I'm sure everything will be ok."

Misato nodded, folding her arms over her chest as she replied, "Damn, so that means no sex tonight, huh? Or can you do the deed the night before a test?"

Determined not to show her shock at the mere suggestion of the operations director sleeping with the Third Child, Ritsuko coolly replied, "No, synch tests are not affected by minor events, so three minutes of exertion shouldn't affect him too much."

Grinning wolfishly, Misato replied, "Three? I'll bet he could go for at least four."

"Wanna lay money on it?"

"You sure you don't want to ask that a different way?"

Cursing, Ritsuko marked her test sheets. "You win this round, Major," she said icily, "but one of these days, I _will_ make you blush."

"Dream on, Ritsu," Misato said proudly, "making me blush would be like making Rei want to try her hand at acting – only harder."

Ritsuko sighed. "I guess I should just stick to making Shinji's nose bleed, then."

"Hey!" Misato complained. "That's my husband you're talking about! I'm the only one that gets to make his nose bleed!"

Smiling faintly, Ritsuko mused, "Maybe I'll wear that two piece to check the coolant systems tomorrow – I've caught him looking at me before, you know… I'll bet if I even _suggested_ that I was interested he would-"

"Watch yourself, Akagi," Misato said haughtily, "don't think you can horn in on my action just because you work with him. I get to do it with him because I'm his wife."

"Well maybe we should just see who does it better!"

Maya, having entered the room in time to hear just the end of Misato's tirade, and Ritsuko's rejoining comment, gasped in shock.

"Sempai!"

Rounding on the tech, Ritsuko planted her fists on her hips. "Oh, so it's ok for her?" she demanded, having no idea that she was holding an entirely different conversation than she thought. "Just because she's 'married' to him doesn't mean she gets to have _all_ the fun!"

Blushing furiously, Maya stammered, "Well… well some things… you just can't do that!"

"You just watch me," Ritsuko declared, "by the time I get done with him, he'll never-"

She cut herself off as Misato – barely containing herself – leaned over and whispered something in her ear. Pursing her lips, Ritsuko looked at Maya's red face and awkward stance, glancing at Misato from the corner of her eyes as the purple-haired woman finally broke into gales of laughter.

"Ahem," the blonde cleared her throat, "carry on, Lieutenant."

Still laughing, Misato gasped, "You're not… gonna clear that up?"

Ritsuko shook her head as her understudy left the room. "Nah," she said quietly, "let her figure it out on her own, I'm not in the mood to explain it to her."

"Could lead to problems later," Misato said in a singsong voice. "And besides… you didn't even ask why she stopped by in the first place."

"Aw crap!"

As the blonde hurried out the door, Misato broke into a fresh bout of giggles… but as soon as the door was shut, she cut them off, striding out of the room and heading for the infirmary to check on Shinji.

On the way down, she unbuttoned the top three buttons on her blouse, thinking of how many excuses she could find to lean over his bed and show him the view. A challenge had been issued, damn it, and she was not about to lose to Ritsuko, of all people – not when it came to getting a guy hot and bothered.

If she lost to a woman that filled her house with _cat_ memorabilia, she might as well just have a sex change.

Continued…

Author's notes: wow, this one was even shorter than the last! Next one has more substance, though, so don't complain just yet. Well, complain if you want, but it won't really CHANGE anything. Heh

Hawk pre-read again. If I keep him busy with that, he won't have time to write his own stories! Wahahha! My evil plan comes to light!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 4

Shinji peered cautiously around the corner, looking up and down the corridor for any sign of Misato or Ritsuko. In the two days since bumping his head, the Third had seen more cleavage, and been pulled into more impromptu hugs, than at any time in his life. He could tell you the molecular composition of Misato's lavender perfume, and while he did not know the name of Ritsuko's fragrance, if he closed his eyes he could accurately describe the lilting, dewy scent which, for some reason, made his mouth water.

_They've gone nuts,_ he thought, finding his path to the elevators unobstructed, _both of them. Off their rockers, out of their minds, loony, coo-coo, bye-bye._

The idea that he had knocked himself unconscious, and was still in some type of dream of a dating simulator gone bad, had occurred to Shinji at least five times in the proceeding forty-eight hours, though the smacks that Asuka gave him every time she found his face planted (unwillingly, but not complainingly) between Misato's breasts told him that he was definitely conscious.

When asked why _he_ was the one being hit, Asuka simply sniffed and turned away, mumbling that it had to be his fault somehow.

Shinji was starting to think that maybe he should ask Mister Kaji if he had room in his apartment for one more.

"Why are you hiding in the shadows?"

Squeaking like a trodden on mouse, Shinji whirled around. "Oh, Asuka," he gasped, covering his heart with one hand, "it's only you."

Does it need to be stated that this was the wrong thing to say?

"_Only_ me?" Asuka grumbled, her brows drawing down in a rather dangerous manner as she folded her arms over her chest. "God, I'm glad it's Misato that's stuck with you. I would have – Kaji!"

"You would have Kaji?" Shinji wondered, feeling very confused.

Pushing him out of the way, Asuka stepped out of the side hall. "Hello, Kaji," she called warmly, drawing Shinji's attention to the man that had appeared at the far side of the corridor. "How are you?"

The perpetually unshaven man stared down at Asuka as if unsure of who she was. "Oh, hey," he said belatedly, "how am I? Oh, fine… fine…"

Kaji, Shinji decided, looked as if he had not slept for a couple days. His eyes were tired and glassy, and his beard was longer than usual. _Come to think of it,_ Shinji mused, _I don't even know what he does. Maybe he's had a hard day._

Unfortunately for Kaji, Asuka also sensed that he was not feeling like himself, and pounced with all the speed of a jungle cat. "So you're taking me to dinner on Sunday, right?" she said quickly, "Remember? You said if I got an A on my Kanji test, you'd buy me dinner."

"I… when did I say that?" Kaji wondered, his brow wrinkling in confusion as Shinji shook his head. "I can't remem-"

"Three weeks ago," Asuka said succinctly. "You're not… going back on your word, are you?"

Shinji had to admit that he was impressed. Asuka's pout was so perfectly presented that he almost believed her himself… only he knew that she had gotten a D+ on the Kanji test, and Kaji would be as likely to promise her dinner as promise to repair Unit 02 for her by hand.

"No, no," Kaji said, looking very off balance, "if I said I'd… treat, then, er… yeah, I'll… yeah…"

"Great!" Asuka grinned triumphantly. "Pick me up at seven."

"…right."

Kaji moved past her, looking for all the world as if he had just been run over by a bus, but as he passed the side hall where Shinji was still standing, he came up short.

"Hello Mister Kaji."

Shinji offered a hesitant wave as the man turned towards him, looking down at him with a rather disturbingly blank expression before blinking several times – as if realizing who, exactly, he was looking at.

"You know," he said slowly, "when I asked if she was still wild in bed… I _was_ kidding."

Before Shinji could get his tongue unstuck, Kaji turned away and slunk off down the hall, muttering to himself as he went.

"Defeated by a fourteen year old… an emotionally challenged fourteen year old! Father… I've failed. I've dishonored you, and our family name… God I need some sleep…"

Shinji watched the man go, but any further commentary was lost in the distance.

_What's his deal?_

"Shin-ji…"

Drawn by the happy, playful tone of Asuka's voice, Shinji turned his head, his eyes nearly bugging out as the redhead kissed him on the cheek. "Wh-what was that for?" he stammered, putting his hand wonderingly on his cheek.

"It was a thank you," Asuka said impishly. "Kaji's practically mine. Bye, bye."

Shinji watched her practically skip down the hall, going in the general direction Kaji had gone – undoubtedly with the intent of making sure he remembered their date and see if she could arrange a couple more while she was at it, Shinji (correctly) guessed.

_Huh… go figure._

Shrugging it off, Shinji headed home, wondering if he should tell Misato about Asuka's nefarious plans. The second he stepped into the apartment, however, he was accosted by the purple-haired woman – and not in the pleasant face-in-the-cleavage way he had grown used to in the past few days.

"Get changed," she said, meeting him in the hall and pointing impatiently to his room. "We have to go somewhere."

Seeing that she was not kidding, Shinji slowly lowered his book bag to the floor. "What's wrong?" he asked, trying to puzzle out what would require him to change clothes.

He wasn't wearing cutoffs and a tank top, after all.

"This," Misato said grimly, holding up a slip of paper, "is a subpoena. Do you know what that is?"

"Er, yeah," Shinji said, still confused, "it's a court summons, right? Is it for a speeding ticket, or-"

He cut himself off as Misato glowered at him.

"The government's accusing me of fraud," she said flatly. "I need you to come with me to city hall and prove that you're aware of our 'marriage' and that you consent."

Shinji paled. "Fraud?" he echoed, horrified. "Maybe… maybe we should just get the divorce now."

"No!" Misato nearly exploded. "That would look even more suspicious! Just… come in with me and tell them I didn't force you into it or anything like that, ok? Then we'll give it a couple weeks to cool off, and then we'll do the divorce, that way it looks like things just fell apart, ok?"

Quickly agreeing, Shinji went to change clothes.

( 0 0 0 )

Forty-five minutes later, the bailiff at the Tokyo-3 city hall called Shinji and Missus Katsuragi to stand before the judge – a rather wrinkled old man who Shinji guessed to be somewhere around the age of 113. He and Misato had agreed that he would do most of the talking, so as to avoid the appearance of coercion… though they needn't have worried.

The judge barely spared Misato a second glance before focusing all of his attention on the Third.

"Now, Mister Katsuragi," he mumbled, gazing intently at the marriage paperwork in front of him, "it says here that you're fourteen."

Shinji, who had never felt so small in his life, nodded. "Yes sir," he said, forcing his voice to stay level. "My birthday was three weeks ago."

Peering at him over the top of the paper in his hand, the judge said, "And you're fully aware that the charge of fraud applies to you as well?"

"N-no sir," Shinji stammered, turning a bit green, "I wasn't."

"Well, it does," the judge mused. "The word in this case is culpable, young man – as in 'you are as culpable in the crime as your accomplice.'"

Though his face was now dead white, Shinji somehow managed to say, "We haven't committed a crime, sir."

"Mm," the judge hummed. "Then what you're saying," he clarified, "is that you consent to this marriage with all of your heart, you have not been coerced in any way, and you are willing to swear, in front of this court, that you were aware of the marriage before the fact, and that you don't contend it in any way. Correct?"

Shinji could not even imagine the consequences of lying to a judge of this high a level, yet he still heard the words, "Yes sir," coming out of his mouth.

Abruptly, the judge smiled. "Ok then," he said jovially, "then this court is willing to drop the charges against both of you, and you are free to be on your way. God, every case should be this easy."

Nearly swooning with relief, Shinji thanked the man profusely.

But the judge had one last thing to say.

"You will, of course, be having children in the near future, correct?"

"Ch-children?" Shinji stammered, noting that Misato's face was suddenly set in a stiff mask of barely contained panic.

"Well of course," the judge boomed, "the law was altered to allow for a speedy replenishing of Earth's most precious resource – our youth. You're a healthy young man, your wife is attractive and, based on her job description, quite responsible. Your children should be in good hands. I look forward to meeting them someday."

Banging his gavel sharply on the desk, the judge rose to his feet.

"We are adjourned. Best of luck to you both, Mister and Missus Katsuragi."

As soon as the man had left, Misato sagged against the defendant's table. "Oh thank god," she gasped, resting her head in both hands, "thank… god…!"

"Yeah," Shinji agreed, "I don't even want to think about how much the fine for fraud is."

"You don't get it, do you?" Misato said wonderingly. "You really don't get it."

"Huh?"

"Well, for one thing," she explained, "it wouldn't be a fine – it would be jail time." Nodding as Shinji's jaw dropped, she said, "Oh yeah, and not like, a week or two. Marital fraud is a serious charge these days." She snorted. "You can't imagine how many people take advantage of the system to make a buck or two."

"You mean like we are?"

Misato scowled. "There's something else."

Shinji tried to imagine what could be worse than being fined and jailed, but came up empty.

"Children."

"What about them?"

Misato leaned closer, putting her mouth next to Shinji's ear to whisper, "He asked if we were having any… but what if he had _ordered_ us to?"

Goggling at her, Shinji sputtered, "That's… he can't do that… can he?"

"I don't know for sure," Misato admitted, "but I think maybe we should leave before he comes back, sees us hanging around, and tells us for sure. The laws have changed so much, there might _be_ a law about the government having the power to 'encourage' childrearing, I really don't know."

The last part of her sentence went unheard, as Shinji was already running for the door.

Continued…

Notes: it can't _all_ be fun and games, right? Just mostly. Heh.

Hawk pre-read this chapter – so write him and tell him thanks! If he's reading e-mail all day, it'll keep him from writing, which is part of my master plan for world-fic-domination! hahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAH.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 5

"You nail her yet?"

Shinji sighed, deeply, and kept his eyes on his homework. "No, Touji," he said patiently, "I haven't nailed her yet."

"But Katsuragi," Asuka's voice chipped in, "how are you going to impregnate your blushing bride if you don't, as your stooge friend put it, 'nail' her, hmm?"

Refusing to rise to the bait, Shinji continued to attack his homework, wondering how, exactly, Misato had been stupid enough to actually _tell_ the redhead about their visit to the courthouse.

Asuka, of course, had found the judge's parting comments screamingly funny, and had spent the next few days leaving baby bottles and diapers lying around the house, as well as slipping 'your new baby' pamphlets (secured from the family planning center up the street) into Shinji's school bag – and arranging them in such a way as to fall out as soon as the bag was opened.

At school.

In front of everyone.

Shinji was sure, after only a week and a half of marriage… that he was in hell.

"So what'cha gonna name it?" Touji wondered. "You got names picked out, or you gonna let her do that?"

Maintaining his calm, Shinji gritted, "I am _not_ having a baby with Misato, ok?"

"Mind if I try?"

"Ok, that does it!"

Everyone in class turned as Shinji slammed his hands down on his desk and shot to his feet, trembling all over as he glared at Touji.

"No more jokes about sleeping with my _wife!_"

There was a long, heavy pause… before Asuka, Touji, and Kensuke all broke into uproarious laughter, leaning on each other for support as Shinji's cheeks glowed a furious red.

"What?" he demanded. "What's so _damn_ funny?"

"D-don't push him," Asuka gasped, holding her stomach as tears ran from her eyes, "he might… s-snap!"

"S-sorry, Katsuragi," Touji managed, "didn't know you… were the jealous type."

"Ah sc-rew you guys!"

Though he had meant to make it sound disgusted, Shinji hiccupped in the middle… and his friends doubled over, going purple in the face from lack of oxygen as they laughed themselves nearly apoplectic.

Frustrated and enraged, Shinji stalked out of the classroom, leaving the school entirely and wandering aimlessly through the city until he had gotten himself under control. _Can't blame them for laughing,_ he thought tiredly, _I acted like an idiot. What WAS that all about? Getting all defensive and flipping out like that… it's not like we're REALLY married or anything, and it's just…_

His thought trailed off as he realized that he was being followed.

Glancing over his shoulder, he found Rei trailing him at a respectful distance. She made no move to hide her presence or act as if she was not following him, but when he stopped and turned to face her, she did not approach him, waiting, it seemed, for an invitation before initiating a conversation.

"Is there something you need, Ayanami?" Shinji asked tiredly, wondering if someone at school had duped the First into asking him some asinine question about his marriage.

_Asuka_ he thought darkly, _if anyone would put Ayanami up to something, it would be Asuka._

Slowly, Rei approached him, her face revealing no trace of her thoughts as she fell in at his side. "You seem… upset," she mused as they started to walk. "May I ask why?"

Shinji pursed his lips. "They were being mean," he said, feeling rather stupid as the words left his mouth, "I didn't like it… that's all."

"Ah."

"Why do you care?"

Shinji's cheeks flushed as Rei looked at him, but he did not retract the question.

It was, he felt, perfectly justified.

"Curiosity."

This, Shinji had to admit, was the last thing he had expected to hear. "Curiosity?" he echoed. "You're curious?"

Rei nodded. "Is that not allowed?"

"Er, I… it's fine," Shinji mumbled, "just… surprised me, that's all."

"Why?"

Scratching the back of his neck, Shinji wondered how he could lie himself out of this situation. Saying, 'Because I wasn't sure you had feelings,' really didn't seem like it would be too appropriate.

"Because I didn't think you cared about anything besides EVA."

_Oh yeah,_ he thought self-loathingly, _that's SO much better._

To his surprise, Rei nodded. "I can see your logic," she admitted. She waited for him to speak for a moment before prompting, "May I ask you about your relationship with the Major?"

"…long as you don't ask if I'm nailing her."

_Did I really just say that out loud?_ Shinji wondered, avoiding Rei's eyes as they reached a corner and waited for the light to change. _I must be out of my mind._

"The Commander said that your marriage is none of his concern," Rei began, ignoring Shinji's look of utter shock, "so I would like to ask if it is something that brings you happiness, or if it is an inconvenience, as many television programs suggest."

Shinji, who was standing stock still when the light changed, had to hurry to reach Rei's side. "Er, I… it's not bad," he said uncertainly. "Is that all you wanted to ask?"

Rei nodded. "You are the only married person I have regular interaction with," she pointed out. "The Commander is widowed, Doctor Akagi and the Second Child are unwed, Major Katsuragi does not speak with me outside of NERV, and the other people I interact with are single or if they are married, conceal their marital status quite well."

"Oh," Shinji said slowly, "so… you asked because I'm the only married person you know."

"Partially," Rei replied immediately, "though it would be more appropriate to say that you are the only person I feel comfortable enough to ask, so had any of the others been married, I do not think I would be able to discuss it with them."

Shinji felt a headache coming on.

"…oh," was all he could think to say.

Rei collected her thought for a moment before saying, "Aside of marital relations, which you have clearly stated you are not engaging in, what other benefits does one gain from being married?"

But Shinji's mind was going back over something she had said a few moments back.

"My father knows about this?"

"Yes," Rei replied, "you are a pilot, your… wife is a high-ranking officer within NERV."

_Of course,_ Shinji thought, _why – in God's name – did I think this would sail under the radar?_

Blinking, he turned to face her. "Why did you hesitate before calling her my wife?"

Rei met his gaze unwaveringly. "It is… difficult for me to think of you as being married," she said quietly. "I have the strangest urge to speak with Major Katsuragi and ask her if she is treating you well."

"Huh," Shinji mused, "that _is_ weird."

And the angels wept.

( 0 0 0 )

Misato rubbed her temples, making a final note on her weekly report before slamming the cover and going in search of a beer. "Ah, my faithful husband," she yawned as she came into the kitchen, "barefoot and cooking. Too bad you can't be pregnant too, or this would be the perfect picture."

Shinji spared her a brief, baleful glare before turning his attention back to dinner.

"According the judge," he pointed out, "I'm supposed to be working on that with you, you know."

"Mm," Misato hummed, pulling a can out of the fridge, "old coot was a perv – I'm surprised he didn't comment on my 'childbearing hips' or something like that. I know tons of people who wait for kids." She grinned, slyly adding, "Though they sure did practice a lot in the meantime."

"Do you… want children someday, Misato?"

"What, with you?"

Shinji snapped the stove off. "Dinner's almost done," he said quietly, "let it sit for about ten minutes, and it should be fine."

Setting her can on the table, Misato barely caught his arm before he could march out of the room. "Wait," she said quickly, "sorry, I umm… I don't… I'm not like, disgusted by the idea," she said awkwardly, "I mean, it's not like you sicken me or anything – you're actually pretty cute… I just, you know… no, I don't want kids right now, but someday? Yeah, probably." She gave him a weak smile. "Hey, let's eat, ok? I won't tease you anymore, promise."

Reluctantly, Shinji let himself be guided to the table, taking a seat and staring at his hands as Misato dished a helping of food onto a plate and put it in front of him.

"I talked to Rei today."

Misato arched an eyebrow. "Rei talks?" she asked dryly. "Could have fooled me… I've tried to get her to hold a conversation at least two dozen times since I started working at NERV."

Shrugging as he dug his chopsticks into his meal, Shinji whispered, "She asked what it was like to be married to you."

"Oh? And what did you say?"

"I told her-"

"What the hell is this _schisse_?"

Both of them looked up as the front door banged open and Asuka stomped into the apartment.

"You're gonna break the door one of these days," Misato pointed out, mildly disappointed that Shinji did not get to finish his train of thought.

_He looked pretty serious._

Her attention was redirected, however, as Asuka thrust a piece of paper in front of her. "Missus Katsuragi!" the redhead shouted, splotches of red dotting her otherwise pretty face. "It says Missus Katsuragi!"

"Well, that _is_ my name," Misato observed, trying to read the note in Asuka's hand, but finding it impossible, as the redhead's hand was shaking too violently for her eyes to focus.

_Looks like another subpoena,_ she thought, _what did I do n-_

Her train of thought was blown to smithereens as Asuka slammed the paper down onto the table and screamed five, simple words.

"_It's not addressed to you!"_

Continued…

Notes: none this time, except that Hawk pre-read.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 6

When Misato finally stopped laughing (which took some time) she examined the subpoena, her lips moving as her shoulders hunched with repressed giggles. "Hmm," she hummed, handing the piece of paper back to Asuka, "guess we need to get to the courthouse and clear this up, Missus-"

"Don't even say it," Asuka threatened darkly, "just get your damn keys and let's go! Unbelievable… this was supposed to be a simple procedure, damn it!"

Misato nodded. "Yeah, that's what my doctor said when I-"

Lifting a hand to cut her off, Asuka said, "Enh! _Not_ the time for jokes!"

"No?" Misato said innocently, "And here I thought it was the perfect time… Missus Katsur-"

"I said don't!"

Misato turned to Shinji, ignoring Asuka entirely as she mused, "Your wife has a short fuse."

Without even thinking, Shinji replied, "Which one?"

"Argh!"

"…never mind."

"Keys," Asuka demanded, shaking with rage as Shinji shrank into his seat, "keys, car, go, drive, court, fix!"

As sweetly as she could, Misato said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say."

Seeing that the redhead was on the verge of doing something violent, Misato sighed.

"Fine, fine," she said tiredly. "And here I was hoping for a nice relaxing evening with my husband."

Abruptly, Asuka smiled. "Well, once this is all straightened out, you can have him all to yourself… I've got a date with Kaji tonight."

Misato rose to her feet, shaking her head with mock weariness. "Asuka," she said patiently, "it doesn't matter what you call your ha-"

"I'm serious."

Shinji, who had resumed eating while the two argued, nodded as Misato looked at him. "It's true," he said around a mouthful of food, "I was there when he said he'd take her to dinner."

If she took this news poorly, Misato hid it very well… though she _did_ get her flight jacket and shoes on before Shinji had a chance to finish a second bite, forcing him to leave his meal cooling on the table.

_And it was good, too,_ he thought sadly.

The drive to the courthouse was utterly silent, unless one counts cracking knuckles, and when they arrived, Asuka deliberately flung her door open and knocked it into the car next to them in the parking lot.

"Oops," she said innocently, "looks like I dinged your paint. "Sorry."

Misato replied by 'accidentally' bumping into Asuka on the stairs and knocking her onto the hard concrete. "Oops," she said flatly, "looks like I dinged your ass. Sorry."

Shinji had to walk between the two the rest of the way to the waiting room to avoid any further bloodshed.

"Katsuragi, family of three."

He flinched as Asuka's jaw clenched hard enough to crack. "Misato," Shinji mumbled, "can you… you know, not?"

Misato stared impassively at him for a moment before rolling her eyes. "Alright," she muttered, turning her attention back to the bailiff. "Mister and Missus Katsuragi, and Miss Souryu to see Judge Totowa."

"He's free right now," the bailiff said politely, "follow me, please."

Together, the NERV members followed the man into the court, where they found their judge waiting behind his desk and surveying a small stack of paperwork.

"Katsuragi annulment case," the bailiff said. "Court is now in session, honorable judge Tate Totowa presiding."

_Wow,_ Shinji thought as they waited, _they must have a law about judges needing to be born before first impact._

This one, while not as old as the last, was still older than Shinji, Asuka, and Misato put together, and looked to be about six foot seven… though sitting down, it was hard to tell exactly.

"Mister… Katsuragi," he read, focusing very carefully on the piece of paper in front of him, "Missus Katsuragi and… Missus Katsuragi. Interesting… interesting…"

"Sir?" Asuka said with forced patience, "can I ask why we're here? I was under the impression that common law annulment was supposed to be cut and dried."

The judge kept his eyes on the paper, taking in every detail. "Mm," he hummed, nodding more to himself than Asuka, "you've been misinformed. It _can_ be cut and dried… but there are certain mitigating circumstances that require us to consider each case before us based on its own merits and take action appropriately."

"Mitigating circumstances?" Shinji piped up, hiding behind Misato as Asuka gave him a 'shut up' glance.

"Indeed, Mister Katsuragi," the judge said, finally setting his papers down and gazing at Shinji over the edge of his desk. "What we have to ask ourselves is whether or not you and your wife – both healthy, of-age citizens with steady incomes who have lived together for some time – have given this union a fair chance to flourish and grow. We would much rather that you allow some time to see if things _could_ work between you than see you file for annulment the day after receiving your marriage certificate."

Clenching her hands in to fists, Asuka hissed, "So because we _might_ like each other _someday_ I have to stay married to this loser?"

The judge regarded her for several moments, his eyes giving away no hint of his thoughts, until he finally murmured, "You hate your husband that much?"

Asuka flushed. "He's not my husband," she grumbled, "he's just some dork I live with."

"Lived with long enough to be legally bound to when you had other lodgings readily available and easily accessed," the judge corrected. "You do hate him, then?"

Wetting her lips, Asuka glanced at Shinji from the corner of her eye. "Not… hate," she said, suddenly awkward, "but we're not like, really close or anything…"

The judge smiled.

Shinji realized that Asuka had just said the wrong thing.

"Affection can grow, if the ground is fertile enough," the judge said with some satisfaction, "I'm recommending a three month stay on the execution of this annulment, during which time-"

"Three _months_?" Asuka exploded. "Why?"

The judge continued as if she had not spoken. "During which time the two of you will be given the opportunity to explore your feeling for one another and, with luck, find that you're compatible enough to remain wed."

"Umm, ex_cuse_ me," Asuka ground out, jabbing a finger in Misato's direction, "he's already married to her!"

"Oh, we're aware of that."

_"Huh?"_

Steepling his fingers, the judge stared down at the redhead. "Times have changed since your parents' day, young lady," he said quietly. "The survival of our race demands drastic measures, and outdated ideals of what constitute monogamy and partnership must be shelved until such a time as they can be reinstituted without threatening our continued existence. I understand your hesitance, I really do," he said earnestly, "my generation shudders at the burden yours must bear… but we do not shy from-"

Clenching her hands into fists, Asuka snapped, "Oh shut the hell up – I don't need a goddamn sermon about keeping our species alive, I pilot an EVA for Christ's sake!"

"And we appreciate that," the judge said, all trace of compassion now gone from his voice, "but once the angels are gone, the rest of us lowly citizens will be left to pick up the pieces… and as a citizen yourself, it is your obligation to look towards the future as well, Missus Katsuragi."

Asuka opened her mouth to lodge another protest, but the judge banged his gavel so hard on the desk in front of him that Shinji was sure he must have broken it.

"This court will not grant an annulment to this marriage until five months hence. Good day to you all."

The man was on his feet and out of the room before Asuka's indignant cry of, "_FIVE?_" had finished echoing through the chambers.

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka, Shinji knew, was not one to suffer in silence, so when she immediately went into her room and shut the door he knew she was planning something big, and probably very loud.

Seeing his concerned face, Misato said, "Don't worry about her, Shinji… nothing you can do can make her happy right now."

"I should still try," Shinji said guiltily. "I mean, I am her husband."

Impulsively, Misato reached out and ruffled his hair. "You're mine too," she said playfully, "and as your wife, I should tell you that Asuka will calm down if you give her enough time, though them sticking her with my last name must really get under her skin. Hey, I wonder how come they changed it so fast for-"

"Did you really forget to file the paperwork?"

Misato froze, unprepared for the bluntness of the question. "Of… of course I did," she said uncomfortably, "you don't think I'm really that heartless, do you?"

Averting his eyes, Shinji mumbled, "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

"We'll get the divorce soon, ok?" Misato said, awkwardly putting a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "I shouldn't have let it go on this long."

"We can't," Shinji reminded her, "they'd sue us for fraud." He brought his gaze back up to hers, lowering his voice to a whisper as he added, "And I said I don't mind, Misato… if I'm useful to you, I'm happy."

"Don't say useful," Misato laughed nervously, "you're not just some… hey, Shinji, come back."

Throwing a weak smile over his shoulder, Shinji continued towards his room, saying, "I'm kind of tired, so I'm gonna go to bed. Night."

"No you're not."

"Wha-hey!"

Shinji nearly fell to the ground as Misato took three quick steps and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly to her chest.

"There will be no angst in this house, 'husband,'" she said, smothering him up against her and hustling him into the living room, "there's too much of that shit at work. Sit down, shut up, turn on something funny, and I… will get you dessert."

"D-dessert?" Shinji stammered, trying not to notice that while Misato was arranging him on the couch, he was exactly at eye-level with the open top of her shirt.

"Yes, dessert," Misato said firmly, "now – the TV and the shutting up."

Obediently, Shinji closed his mouth and turned the television set on, finding something light and vapid while Misato went into the kitchen, returning several minutes later with a small container of ice cream and two spoons.

"Haagen-Dazs," she said with some satisfaction, handing him one of the spoons as she curled up next to him on the couch, "dig in, Shinji, because I will not hesitate to eat this whole thing."

Shinji looked uncertainly at the ice cream, tentatively dipping his spoon in and taking a bite.

"It's… good…"

"'Course it is," Misato said happily, "guaranteed to demolish depression within three spoonfuls – provided you don't mind an extra ton of calories and fat. It's from my secret stash, so don't tell anyone. Ritsuko would never let me live it down. The single woman slurping down ice cream to beat the blues is _so_ pre-Impact."

Staring at his loaded spoon, Shinji whispered, "Th-thank you…"

Nudging him in the ribs, Misato gave him a dazzling smile.

"Well, you _are_ my husband," she said matter-of-factly. "I can't have you moping all the time – people would think I'm neglecting my 'wifely' duties, ya know?"

She laughed with delight as Shinji turned bright red.

Moving a little closer to him, she held the ice cream within easy reach of both of their spoons, turning her attention to the sitcom Shinji had turned on and allowing herself to fall into its easy, lighthearted plot.

The next few hours passed by quietly and comfortably, and when the ice cream was gone, and the primetime comedies gave way to news programs, Shinji was sound asleep with his spoon still clutched loosely in one hand, and his head resting lightly on Misato's shoulder.

Continued…

Notes: yeah, yeah, I know – cliché and sappy… shut up. Oh, and on the subject of name changes – marrying allows for a very quick and easy name change in present day, involving a simple notification of the social security administration and DMV (at least for women), but changing one's name _back_ or just changing it because you feel like it, costs money, and involves more paperwork. Trust me on both of these, or, you know, go try and change your name and prove me wrong.

Hawk pre-read again… but he still managed to release like, 32432 chapters of his own work! My plan of keeping him occupied seems to be a failure…


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 7

Asuka stayed in her room for the rest of the weekend… which made Shinji very, very nervous. Misato kept telling him not to worry about what his other wife was doing (taking great pleasure in pointing out the irony that Asuka was the Second Child and the Second Wife) and to just enjoy the quiet, but Shinji knew that quiet often meant trouble – and trouble seemed to have a soft spot for him, finding him wherever he went and whatever he did.

Polygamy, he mused as he prepared breakfast on Monday, was not all it was cracked up to be.

"I'm leaving," Misato announced, breezing into the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge. "Is your Second up yet?"

Shinji winced. "Please don't let her hear you call her that," he pleaded, "it'll just get _me_ in trouble, you know."

"But darling," the purple-haired woman fake-pouted, "I'm your first wife, so she has to be the second. That's why she's missus Katsuragi, after all."

"Not so _loud!_" Shinji groaned. "Come on, Misato, she'll-"

"Call me darling."

"Huh?"

"Darling or honey, or something like that," Misato said brightly. "Misato is so formal – you should use something cute for me."

Shinji just scowled. Clearly, the feelings of regret she had exhibited after the trip to the court had evaporated, leaving only the urge to tease behind.

…at least he'd gotten some good ice cream out of the deal.

_Well,_ he reminded himself as he mumbled that he would work on it, _ice cream and a nice evening with a gorgeous woman. Wait, why am I complaining about this?_

"Thiiiiiiiiiiiiird!"

_Oh… right._

Misato vanished so quickly that Shinji was sure Harry Houdini would have been proud, and seconds later, Asuka came storming into the kitchen.

"Umm… good morning."

Glaring around, Asuka demanded, "Where is she?"

"Huh?"

"Your wife – where is she?"

Shinji resisted the urge to say, 'I'm looking at one of them right now,' and instead replied, "She went to work. Why?"

Asuka lifted a finger – and at first, Shinji thought she was lifting _that_ finger, until he noticed the gold band twinkling merrily just past her second knuckle.

"Is that a wedding r-"

"Yes, it's a wedding ring," Asuka snapped, thrusting it closer to Shinji's face.

Squinting, Shinji read, "As…uka and Shin… chan… 4…ever…"

"Oooo, I'll _kill _her!"

"So that's where she went yesterday," Shinji mused, snapping the burner on the stove off and scooping scrambled eggs onto two plates. "She said she had to go out for a while, and she looked pretty happy when she got back… but I thought she was at Kaji's or something." His eyes widened suddenly. "Your date," he exclaimed, "you didn't-"

"I called him," Asuka cut in impatiently, "we're going out tonight instead. I needed some time to figure out how I can get out of this mess… and then I woke up this morning and _this,_" she jabbed the ring back under Shinji's nose, "is on my damn finger!"

Confused, Shinji asked, "Why don't you just take it off?"

Asuka ground her teeth. "It's a size too small," she growled, making Shinji cringe against the fridge for fear of being murdered, "I don't know if she did it that way on purpose, but the damn thing won't come off!"

"O-oh…"

"Don't you 'oh' me – get some dish soap or something. Get this damn thing off of me, or I swear to God you won't be _able_ to have children with Misato… or anyone else!"

One hour, one breakfast, and lots of pulling, pushing, sweating, and groaning (none of the pleasurable kind) later, Shinji and Asuka were on their way to school, with Asuka's left ring finger swollen and red from the force the two had – unsuccessfully – applied in trying to get the wedding ring off. A large Band-Aid concealed the band itself, but Asuka kept poking at it, cursing under her breath and shooting Shinji heart-stopping looks of malice, though for the life of him, he could not figure out how this was his fault.

Once they had arrived at school, Asuka stowed her bags and raised a hand high into the air. "I have something to say," she announced boldly, looking at the clock and finding that she still had about ten minutes before class started. "Everyone pay attention, because I won't repeat this."

_Did I ever think she wouldn't do something like this?_ Shinji wondered, trying to disappear into his seat as Asuka began to speak. _Maybe I should have pretended to be sick…_

"Due to the stupid, screwed up common law rules in this bass ackwards country, the annulment that should have been mine for the asking has been denied, meaning that until I can hire a good lawyer, I am _legally_ married to this loser behind me." Giving a minute to let the whispers die down – most of them killed by her glare of death – Asuka continued, "Since he's already married, and don't even get me started on _that, _I've got _his_ wife's name on all my paperwork… but I won't answer to it, and I'll be talking to the teacher to let him know not to even bother calling it during role when they finally get around to changing the school records."

There was a moment of awestruck silence.

"First person that calls me Katsuragi," Asuka warned, still commanding the entire class's attention, "will be hurt. Badly."

It was Touji, of course, who felt the need to test this threat.

"Eh, don't be such a stiff, Katsu-"

A collective gasp rose as Asuka (anticipating Touji's stupidity) spun on her heel and flung out her arm, catching him across the throat in an elegant clothesline and dropping him in a choking heap on the floor.

"Now," the redhead said briskly, "does anyone have any questions?"

Eyes everywhere bugged out as Rei lifted her hand.

"What is it, Wondergirl?" Asuka demanded crossly, unprepared for turbulence from this quarter.

Rei drew a short breath… and asked the one question Asuka never would have imagined coming from the quiet girl's mouth.

"Since Major Katsuragi will not engage in sexual intercourse with your mutual husband, will that be your duty?"

Shinji was sure he could hear crickets chirping in the ensuing silence.

Stealing a look at Asuka, he found the girl frozen in a state of open-mouthed, red-faced, all-out shock. He wondered briefly if he should recommend closing her mouth before attracting flies, but felt that this would be tantamount to signing his own death certificate.

"Oh, look at the time," he said, seeing that Asuka was regaining her composure, "Ayanami, don't we have that… thing at NERV? With the stuff? At the place, with the guy? You know – important, gotta go!"

Before the Second could murder her (and him, since he would be held accountable too), Shinji grabbed Rei's hand and hauled her out of the class, barely catching Kensuke's wry comment of, "Aren't two enough?" as he escaped the massacre that was inevitable with Asuka's now-unleashed fury.

He pitied those remaining in the classroom, and hoped Asuka would make their deaths quick and painless.

…though secretly, he doubted that she would.

"Ikari?"

Finally slowing down, Shinji glanced over his shoulder at Rei. "Hmm?"

"You are… hurting my hand."

With a start, Shinji realized that he was still holding Rei firmly by the hand. "Ah, sorry!"

Releasing her, he took a step back, leaning against the hallway wall and taking a deep, calming breath. _Why,_ he thought tiredly, _why do things like this keep happening to me? It's not ENOUGH that I pilot EVA? I need this kind of stress to go with it? I'm married – I'm married to two women! I wonder-_

"Ikari."

Shinji blinked at the soft hailing. He had almost forgotten that Rei was there at all. "Oh, umm, what is it, Ayanami?"

Rei opened and closed her hand a few times, as if trying to remember what it had felt like to have it held. After a moment of quiet thought, she flatly asked, "Does being wed to Souryu and the Major please you?"

Remembering what the girl had asked Asuka, Shinji paled. "P-please me?" he croaked, clearing his throat awkwardly. "I don't know… what you mean…"

"What I am asking," Rei clarified carefully, "is if you are happy. I know that you are married to the Major for the benefits it brings her, and Souryu has made it clear that she tried to dissolve your marriage, but was not successful… but I have not heard your opinion on the subject of matrimony."

"Didn't we talk about this the other day?" Shinji wondered.

Rei shook her head. "No," she said smoothly, "then I was asking, generally, if there was any benefit to being wed. Today, I am interested in knowing if you, personally, are happy with your situation."

Shinji shuffled his feet. "I um… yeah, I'm doing ok I guess," he said uncomfortably.

"That was not my question," Rei pointed out, "I asked if you are happy."

Laughing weakly, Shinji said, "Well, I guess… yeah, sure, I am…"

"Mm…"

Looking at his watch, the Third said, "We should get out of here before Asuka comes to find us."

"I agree," Rei said, starting for the front exit of the school, "she does seem somewhat… volatile. I would like a more direct answer to my question, though."

"Why are you doing this, Ayanami?" Shinji asked bluntly. "I don't… really understand."

"Mm," Rei hummed, "neither do I, but for reasons I cannot explain, seeing you unhappy… makes me unhappy as well."

"Huh…"

Slowly, they continued to walk, but as they neared the exit to the school, Shinji suddenly thought of a question he had been dying to ask.

"Have you… ever wanted to be married, Ayanami?"

Rei kept her eyes straight ahead. "Only if I was to be wed to someone like yourself or Commander Ikari."

Shinji stopped dead in his tracks. "…my father?" he whispered. "You think… you think I'm like my father?"

Turning to face him, Rei replied, "Yes, I do."

"How can you even say that?" Shinji wondered. "We're nothing alike! He's… he's all hard and strong and tough – I'm not any of those things, Ayanami… how can you say we're alike?"

Rei's reply was simple and straightforward.

"The traits that you have described in your father are the traits I see in you."

Shinji was so dazed by this that he found himself speechless.

Continued…

Author's notes: I don't like notes right now, so I'm not gonna write any! So THERE!

Hawk pre-read again, but muttered something under his breath about me being a jerk… which I can't deny. _Sigh_.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 8

Misato lounged against the wall of the pribnow box, half listening to the synch test procedures and chewing thoughtfully on one of her knuckles. She was not anxious, per se, simply distracted, and it did not go unnoticed.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Looking up as Ritsuko sauntered up to her, Misato shook her head. "Nah," she said lightly, "just trying to think up new ways to make my husband blush."

Ritsuko nodded. "It _is_ getting a bit tougher," she admitted. "Today I 'accidentally' bumped into him with my chest… kid didn't even bat an eyelash."

Misato's eyes narrowed. "You've gotten pretty comfortable hitting on him," she observed coolly, "maybe you want to come stay with us for six months or so, hmm?"

"It's all in good fun," Ritsuko said casually, "for me, anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Shrugging, Ritsuko said, "Oh, nothing, nothing…"

"Grr," Misato growled, "just spit it out!"

Ritsuko grinned broadly. "Wellll," she said slowly, "I've just noticed a few things lately, that's all."

_Don't do it,_ Misato's mind recommended, _don't take the bait – it's a trap! RUN!_

In spite of this (rather sensible) advice, she still found herself saying, "And what, exactly, have you noticed?"

Ritsuko's voice practically screamed with triumph as she said, "Nothing big, really… I've just noticed how whenever you walk into the room, Shinji's watching you, and the way you say the word husband now, and how you never have him take the bus home anymore, and how he doesn't slouch as much as he used to – little things like that."

Fumbling for a witty reply, Misato barely managed to bumble out, "So what's your point?"

Her long-time friend looked very smug as she replied, "Just observations, Misato, just observations." She turned away, smiling wolfishly as she whispered, "But from now on I think I'll leave the nosebleeds and whatnot to you… I wouldn't want to piss on your fire hydrant."

"I heard that!" Misato growled.

"…I know."

Conceding defeat for the moment, Misato changed the subject. "Has Shinji been here all day?" she wondered. "His teacher called and said something about him leaving early. I couldn't really hear him properly because there was some kind of argument going on in the background – kinda sounded like a brawl, really, but when I asked him about it, he said it was just a misunderstanding between a couple of students over a name, or something."

Risuko glanced up at the synch scores for a moment before replying, "Yeah, he came in with Rei around one thirty or so and they just hung out alone in the cafeteria the whole day."

"What?" Misato gasped. "Shinji and… Rei? Just the two of them? By _themselves_?"

"That _is_ what alone means in this context," Ritsuko pointed out dryly, "what's wrong with that? You scared Rei might be moving in on your turf?"

_And we're back to that again,_ Misato thought darkly.

To Ritsuko, she sweetly replied, "If all they were doing was talking, that's fine. The way I figure it, it doesn't matter where he gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home… if you catch my meaning."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "I always catch your meaning, Misato," she pointed out, "it's not like you're subtle or anything… but they weren't talking."

In spite of herself, Misato bristled. "Oh?" she said calmly, "What were they doing?"

"Just sitting there, really."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"O…k…"

Folding her arms over her chest, Ritsuko met the other woman's gaze. "I think they tried to have a conversation," she said seriously, "but with those two… I can only imagine they failed."

Misato tried to picture Shinji and Rei having a deep, philosophical conversation about life and love… but her mind could not even form a solid image of that scenario. "So they just sat there, saying nothing? Why?"

Looking back up to the screen with the Children's faces on it, Ritsuko contemplated her answer for well over a minute before softly whispering, "Because saying nothing with someone else is better than saying nothing alone, I guess…"

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji was back on Asuka's 'bad list.' Not that he had ever really left it, of course, but after saving Rei from the redhead's wrath four days prior, he had gotten nothing but cold shoulder from his reluctant spouse. Misato, too, had been a bit more awkward around him since the synch test that day, leaving Shinji to wonder if maybe the two had agreed to be mean to him for some reason.

_Nah,_ he thought on Thursday afternoon, slowly closing his homework and standing up to stretch his back, _Misato would want to help me, not Asuka._

He was not sure how he knew this, but he was pretty sure it was true.

Rei, also, had not spoken to him much since their conversation in the hallway at school, though her comments on his perceived strength still echoed in his mind.

_Me… strong,_ he mused, rising to his feet and heading into the living room to see what Misato and Asuka were doing. _Sorry, Ayanami… I don't see it…_

He lifted his hand in greeting, but upon seeing him, Asuka's eyes narrowed, silencing him in an instant. Keeping her glare fixed on him, she gathered up the books she had been studying (some old, dusty looking texts) and 'humphed' off to her room, holding her nose high in the air and nearly running into her own doorframe.

"Oh, hi darling," Misato said, looking up from the television for a moment, "you gonna keep me company? Got a seat all laid out for you – and it's nice and warm, too."

Shinji was going to point out that the woman was sprawled out on the couch, leaving no room for him to sit, but again, he was cut off as Misato patted her lap suggestively, giving him a playful 'How about here?' kind of look. When he blushed, Misato laughed and sat up on the couch, pointing to the spot next to her as she scooped up the remote and flipped through the channels.

_She was right,_ he thought as he sat down beside her, _is IS warm… _For a while, he stared down at his lap, pondering his situation. _What does strong mean, anyway,_ he mused, stealing a glance at Misato before quickly looking away. _Does it mean that I'm not afraid of anything? No, that's courage… not the same thing._

"Want some popcorn?" Misato asked, finally settling on a sitcom.

"No, thanks," Shinji said containing a shiver as Misato reached out and idly played with his hair.

_Strong,_ he thought, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of her fingers lazily brushing through his hair, _I'm strong and hard, huh?_ Slowly, he opened his eyes, studying Misato's face closely as she laughed at something on television. _Am I…?_

"What?" Misato smiled, turning to face him as he continued to stare at her. "What's on your mind, darling?"

Slowly, Shinji shook his head.

_Strong… is this what it means to be strong…?_

Tentatively, he leaned forward, watching for any sign that he was doing the wrong thing, and carefully brushed his lips against hers.

"What are you doing?" Misato whispered, her smile falling away as Shinji gave her another hesitant kiss.

"I don't know…"

Misato tipped her head to the side, putting a hand lightly on Shinji's chest as he leaned in once more, but making no move to dissuade him.

"You should stop," she whispered, closing her eyes as Shinji's lips barely grazed her own, "really, Shinji…"

"…ok."

Softly, he covered her mouth, keeping her from saying anything more by giving her a deep, careful kiss. When they parted, Shinji rose (a bit unsteadily) to his feet, looking down at her with an uncertain, slightly fearful expression on his face, as if worried that she was on the verge of screaming at him for thinking she would ever let him do that to her without a fight.

Misato put her elbow on the arm of the couch and rested her chin in her palm, staring at the wall as Shinji cleared his throat several times before finally slipping out of the room. After he had gone, she pressed two fingers lightly against her wrist, watching the second hand on the hallway clock swing around in a slow circle and counting the number of beats her heart made in a minute.

"Hmm."

Standing up, she pushed her hair back off of her face and tied it in a simple ponytail. Then, without a single word, she walked out of the apartment and into the warm evening air.

She had a very important meeting to keep with an old friend.

Continued…

Author's note: a little shorter and a little more serious than the last chapter, but look at all that WAFF!

Hawk pre-read and said, "OMFG! Misato, Asuka, Shinji, married… THREESOME!" Wow, and I thought I was a perv…


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 9

Asuka glanced around the smoky bar with some distaste, wondering if perhaps she had not been misdirected. The place had been described to her as 'kind of low-rent,' though the word she would have used was 'shithole.' The walls, once white, she assumed, were a nauseating, nicotine yellow, almost – but not quite – matching the beer, or possibly urine, yellow of the floor.

The cramped little tables were packed with lowlifes of every size and shape, and all eyes flew to the door as Asuka stepped through it, hungry for fresh, nubile meat.

Scowling around the room, Asuka raised her NERV ID badge like a cross, making sure everyone got a good look and taking a good deal of satisfaction in seeing the scumbags suddenly take interest in their drinks or abandoned conversations.

No one wanted to mess with NERV.

Drunk does not equal suicidal.

_There she is,_ the redhead thought, spotting the woman she was looking for at the bar, pounding down a shot. _Now if I can just get over there without getting anything… sticky on my shoes._

Several minutes of navigation later, Asuka stood at her guardian's elbow, frowning at the array of glasses in front of the woman as she said, "Hey, I've been looking for you."

Misato glanced over her shoulder. "Well if it isn't my favorite frigid fellow wife," she said cheerily, "pull up a stool, have a drink."

"No thanks," Asuka said sourly, "I'm-"

"Have you met my friend Jack?" Misato wondered, holding up a shot glass full of dark brown liquor. "He's a little rough at first, but he smoothes out after a while – and that's how I like my men."

"Scintillating," Asuka deadpanned.

"How'd you find me?" Misato asked, throwing the shot back and slamming the glass down on the counter.

"Followed the booze," Asuka said, wrinkling her nose in distaste as Misato lifted up another shot, slopping half of it onto her hand as she brought it to her mouth. "Actually, I asked Ritsuko where you might be, since you weren't at home or NERV, and she said you like to hang out in this place, so…"

"Lousy tattletale," the older woman grumbled, "I should tell everyone that the place _she_ likes to hang out is Ibuki's _shorts_!"

Asuka's eyes widened. "Really?"

"No!" Misato declared, "But it would be reallllly hard to deny!" Turning to the redhead, she demanded, "Whaddayawant?"

Leaning closer in spite of the woman's boozy breath, Asuka said, "I think I found a loophole in the common law. It says that if a person's guardian – and just as a reminder, that's you – objects, they can lodge-"

Misato waved a hand dismissively, flicking droplets of alcohol all over Asuka's arm. "I don't obj-ject," she hiccupped. "You go ahead and stay married with me – it's fun."

"Fun," Asuka echoed, "right. God, you're smashed, aren't you? I'll talk to you about it when you're sober, or something."

"Drunk, sober, married, whatever," Misato said drunkenly. She beckoned Asuka closer, her eyes trying desperately to focus as she whispered, "Can you keep a secret?"

Asuka sighed. "Yeah, sure," she said tiredly, "what is it?"

"He kissed me."

It took a moment for the slurred confession to register in Asuka's mind. "He… huh?"

"Right on the lips," Misato mock-whispered, pointing to her mouth as the alcohol she had been slamming really started to kick in. "Kissed me good… felt good… didn't stop him… I'm a bad, baaaad woman…"

"He… kissed you?" Asuka marveled. "Really? Shinji? That little pervert! I should go home and kick his-"

She was cut off as Misato's hand shot out, grabbing her shirt and yanking her into the older woman's personal space.

"That's… my… husband," she said, her eyes boring into Asuka's as her voice grew soft and even. "Might not be a good wife… but 'm still married to him." She let Asuka's shirt go, reaching for another shot as she whispered, "Divorce him if you want, stupid. Just means I don't have to share…"

Asuka stared at the woman for a moment, trying to convince herself that it was just the liquor talking, but a quick survey of the empty glasses in front of her, and the amount spilled on the bar, hinted that the woman was not as drunk as she appeared to be… which meant that she was trying to make Asuka _think_ she was further gone than she really was.

…which meant something that Asuka really didn't want to consider.

"So you'll help me?" she said lamely, unsure of how to react to this sudden revelation.

Misato bounced her head from side to side. "Not talk-ing ab-out it n-ow," she said in a singsong voice, "go aw-ay… trying to dr-ink."

Throwing her hands in the air, Asuka growled, "God you're impossible."

"Nah," Misato said slyly, "I'm easy – just ask Kaji."

"Eww," Asuka groaned, "there's a mental image I did _not_ need."

As she turned to go, Misato whispered, "Want to know another secret?"

"Does it involve thinking about you and Kaji doing it, or you frenching the Third?" Asuka grumbled. "Because if the answer is yes to either of these questions, I'll pass, thanks."

Ignoring this comment entirely, Misato said, "I could have been Missus Kaji."

"_Huh?_"

"Yeah, he wanted to," Misato sighed, glancing at the shot glasses in front of her as if trying to figure out who had emptied them, "but I broke up with him before he could ask."

More than a little freaked out that Misato had been _that_ close to the man she adored, Asuka snorted, "Then why do you think he was going to ask in the first place?"

Dropping the girl a wink, Misato said, "That's a secret… and I've already told you two."

"Whatever."

"You should go home."

Asuka looked at her watch. "Yeah, so should you," she mumbled, "your liver's going to turn into a prune if you keep this up."

Misato turned her barstool around, leaning forward until she was close enough to whisper, "No, I mean you should go home and protect your husband."

"From what?" Asuka wondered.

She shivered as Misato leaned a bit closer.

"…me."

( 0 0 0 )

_Shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have done that._

Like his 'mustn't run away' mantra, Shinji found repeating these few simple words kept him from freaking out and running from the apartment at top speed.

"I can't believe I really kissed her…"

Actually, he _could_ believe it… he just couldn't believe that there would not be repercussions for his actions. Misato had been gone for a good few hours, and Asuka had left not too long after her, muttering something about needing to find the purple-haired woman to ask her a question.

_Gotta_ _say, though,_ he mused as he clicked through the TV stations, _that… didn't suck._

He indulged in a guilty smile, thinking that he would probably be killed – or at least thrown out – when Misato got home. You don't kiss your guardian without her consent and get away with it, after all. So what if she never stopped you. So what if she never said no. So what if she was technically your wife – you just don't get away with laying a kiss on a woman like Misato and think that there won't be backlash.

Damned if it wasn't worth it, though.

"Time to face the music," he whispered as the front door opened.

A moment later, Misato came into the room… and to Shinji's very great surprise, she did not immediately yank him off the couch and hustle him to the door. In fact, she simply looked around as if trying to find something, and when her eyes passed his, Shinji realized that she was fairly well tanked.

_I'm saved,_ he thought suddenly, _she's not killing me, which means either she doesn't remember that I kissed her, or she doesn't care – and considering that I can smell the whiskey on her from here, I'd say it's option one. What do I do? What do I do? Oh, I know! Run away! No, wait… mustn't run away, right, um… pretend nothing happened! Yeah, that works!_

"Hey."

"Hey."

Misato bit her bottom lip as Shinji clicked the TV off and rose to his feet.

"Is… Asuka here?"

Shinji shook his head. "No, she went out," he said still marveling over his good fortune, but reminding himself that she could still remember in the morning.

_If she doesn't,_ he thought, _I'm off the hook, because if she remembers later, I can always say it was a dream she had when she was drunk. It's perfect! …God, maybe Ayanami was right about-_

"Huh," Misato mumbled, breaking into his thoughts, "she must not have taken my advice."

Shinji blinked, thinking that this was a rather odd thing to say. "What advice?"

"Er… nothing…"

Shrugging, Shinji said, "I'm going to put some laundry in. Be right back."

Misato nodded, lowering her gaze to watch the young man leave the room. "Ah, stop that!" she told herself. "He's so young and so… tasty. God, what should I do?"

In her mind, she could imagine a cartoon-like devil sitting on her shoulder. Her imagination created this little image as herself, of course, only clad in a black leather bustier and sporting a pitchfork with hearts engraved along the haft. She could almost hear the imp's instructions whispering sibilantly in her ear.

'Do him!'

Turning her head, she pictured the corresponding angelic version, replete with white robes and a tiny halo floating above its miniature head. The only problem was that when she turned to the little angel, it looked her in the eye and gave her only two words of advice.

'Do him.'

_Guess it's unanimous._

"Shinnnji… where arrrre you?"

Shinji poked his head around the doorframe. "Umm, right here where I said I was going to be," he said slowly. "What is it?"

Using her best seductive walk… or the drunken version thereof, Misato slunk over to where Shinji was patiently waiting to see what she needed. Leaning on the doorframe, she looked the young man in the eyes and whispered, "You wanna see my stamp collection?"

"You collect stamps?"

Misato simply stood in dazed wonder. _Well I guess I can't expect him to know that line,_ she thought, _it's older than the commander, the sub-commander, and Ritsuko all put together._

Why she put Ritsuko in the equation when she was only a year younger, Misato was not sure… but just then, she didn't feel 29 – she felt more like 19, and 19 was a damn good age for her.

19 was when she spent a week in her room making love to Kaji.

"Nice shoes," she said abruptly, pulling out the most obvious of the lame pickup lines in her repertoire, "wanna f-"

_Brrring._

"Hang on," Shinji said, heading off to the kitchen to answer the phone, "I'll get that."

"Wait!"

Misato pounded the doorframe in frustration as Shinji vanished into the kitchen. This was not going the way she had expected at all. _Come ON,_ she berated herself, _I'm drunk, I'm cute, he's younger – and he kissed me earlier – getting him in bed should be as easy as snapping my fingers!_

As if to illustrate this point in her mind, she tried to snap her fingers… but found that she was a bit too drunk to accomplish this.

_Damn it!_

Pushing away from the door (and pausing for a moment as the sudden movement made her head spin) Misato went into her room to look through her outfits, thinking that maybe something a bit sexier would get her husband to get off of his ass and onto hers.

_He IS my husband,_ she reminded herself as she pawed through her closet, _nothing wrong with giving your husband a little something, right? Hell no… especially when you haven't gotten 'a little something' yourself for nearly a year. Besides, I'm making a man out of him, right? He'll thank me for this!_

Conveniently forgetting that all of her reasons were based on her own raging hormones, Misato continued to go through her belongs. Was Shinji a catgirl fan, she wondered, or maybe he had a nurse fetish? That she _had_ both of these costumes would have made several of her coworkers gasp in shock… though most would probably just mumble, 'figures.'

_Ooo_… she thought wickedly, _I know…_

Several minutes later, she reemerged from her bedroom, heading into the living room (where the TV was once again blaring) and calling, "Oh, Shinji… I have a surprise for y-"

She was cut off as she found herself face to face with Asuka.

"Well," the redhead said dryly, "I think he _would_ be surprised… if he was here."

Misato, who was quickly losing her buzz, kicked the coffee table.

"Ow!"

Asuka looked her up and down, shaking her head and arching an eyebrow as she asked, "So what's with that getup?"

"Uh… heh," Misato mumbled, holding her flight jacket (the only thing she was wearing) a little tighter shut. "Laundry day… you know how it is."

"…right."

Misato gave up the act. "Oh shut up! Just because you don't want to be married… ugh, why am I even talking to you? Where's Shinji?"

"What, so you can jump him?" Asuka snorted, clicking the TV off.

"Umm, yeah, duh," Misato said curtly, "married, you know – married to him… nothing wrong with wanting to get a little closer."

Asuka shook her head. "Yeah except that you're twice his age," she said incredulously, "and his guardian… and his operations director… what is _wrong_ with you?"

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Misato said, "Back at you, Missus Katsuragi." She continued as Asuka's face suddenly darkened. "Should we do a poll up at your school to see how many girls would kill to be married to a guy like Shinji, or are you so thick that even if every woman on Earth wanted him, you'd still think he was a loser? See, the thing is," she explained, "I never thought about him like that before he kissed me… but ever since, I've been thinking that maybe he's not so-"

"Ever since?" Asuka cut in, "It's been like, five hours! God, how much did you _drink?_ It was one kiss, Misato – this isn't a fairy tale, you know, people don't fall in love from one kiss."

"Mmm a fairy tale," Misato mused, her eyes distant and hazy, "I didn't even think of that. It's like I was asleep all this time and he-"

"Oh shut up!"

Askua rose to her feet and looked up at the purple haired woman with undisguised contempt.

"I'll bet if I was here when he got squirrelly, he would have tried to lay one on me."

Misato's eyes suddenly sharpened. "Yeah, sure," she said darkly, "because you've made it so clear that you want him."

Suddenly, Asuka's face lit up. "Let's make a little deal, then," she said coolly, "you and me, here and now, to see who he _wants_ to be married to."

"I don't make deals with terrorists," Misato said wryly. "We know _you_ don't want to be married to him, so-"

"The deal," Asuka interrupted, "is simply this – if I can get Shinji to ask me to stay married to him, you sign the official guardian's objection form and get this marriage annulled."

"And if I win?"

Asuka pursed her lips. "Well," she said slowly, "I, er… hadn't thought of that."

"Pretty damn confident, aren't you?" Misato muttered. "Fine, you're on… but if I win, you have to swear that you won't make another move on Kaji for the rest of your life."

"_What_?" Asuka exploded, "How is that fair?"

"Well, if I win you'll still be a married woman," Misato said sweetly, "and Kaji would never get involved with a married woman, so it's really like I'm doing you a favor and keeping you sheltered from the heartbreak of rejection. And besides, I might still have something with him if the thing with me and Shinji doesn't work out."

"You calculating bitch," Asuka whispered. "I don't believe I'm hearing this."

"What, that I'm already thinking about what to do if it doesn't work out with Shinji?"

"_No!_ That you're thinking of getting with Shinji in the first place!"

Misato shrugged. "You're just stupid," she said bluntly. "Shinji's a good guy. Just because you're too shortsighted to see… hey, where _is_ Shinji, anyway?"

"Oh," Asuka said absently, "when I got home he was just walking out. Guess he got a call from Wondergirl and went over to her place."

"And… you didn't think that was strange?" Misato wondered.

"Why should I?"

Misato pointed to the clock on the wall. "It's midnight," she said, "what reason, could you possibly think of, for little introverted Rei to ask Shinji over to her tiny, one-bedroom apartment this late at night?"

Asuka considered it for a moment. "That little whore!" she gasped. "She's trying to be the other woman!"

Blinking, Misato said, "Well, I was thinking she was trying to convince him to let her copy his homework since there's a history final tomorrow and she's been absent so much, but your idea works too."

"Come on!" Asuka exclaimed, "If we don't get over there fast, it won't be a matter of which one of us he picks, it'll be which one of us gets chosen as a bridesmaid when they get married – for real!"

Heading for the door, Misato said, "Over my dead body!" Glancing over her shoulder, she said, "What? What are you waiting for? Both of our futures might be riding on this!"

Slowly shaking her head, Asuka made a simple recommendation.

"You might want to get some clothes on first."

Continued…

Author's notes: the deal is set, the players are in motion, and Shinji has become a chess piece in a diabolical game of cat and mouse… but has Rei made a preemptive strike and gotten a piece before anyone else? Find out in the next installment, and look forward to more shenanigans, tomfoolery, and yes, monkeyshines.

This chapter went out without being pre-read. It seems that Hawk was too busy with that 'real life' of his to get back to me on this one. Hopefully it doesn't suck too bad. Now no one can corroborate the fact that Misato's old friend was decided long before Hawker-748 guessed it…


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 10

Asuka and Misato stole down the hallway in Rei's apartment building with all the stealth and skill of a small heard of elephants. "Oh my God, would you shut up?" Asuka hissed as the older woman kicked a can halfway down the hall. "We're trying to be _quiet,_ remember?"

"Shut up," Misato hissed, "you'll tip them off!"

"_I'll_ tip them- GAH!" Asuka threw her hands up in disgust. "Just hurry up, we're almost there."

Apartment 409 passed by, giving Asuka warm thoughts of spraying cleaning solution in Misato's eyes. It was bad enough that she had to endure her guardian's (and she used that term _very_ loosely) driving, but now the old cow was going to give them away before they could get the drop on Wondergirl and Shinji doing…

_Doing THAT?_ she thought, making a face as she realized that it was possible. _Ew_… _I need to have a shower now – just thinking about that makes me feel icky all over._

She glanced at Misato, worried that she might be thinking about kicking the door down and going in with guns blazing – literally. The purple-haired woman certainly seemed serious about getting 'her husband' out of the clutches of 'that little hussy.'

Asuka shook her head. _Unreal,_ she thought. _She's acting like a jealous wife! God, there's some irony for you… a marriage of convenience turned into the real thing by one little kiss._ She frowned as they passed 403. _Maybe he's just… really good at it, or something?_ She stole another look at Misato. _Hmm… might not be a bad idea to check into that. I'm his wife too! …God, I can't believe I just thought that._

The door to 402 was ajar, and as Misato and Asuka edged closer to it, they could hear Shinji's voice coming from inside. "I don't _mind_," the Third was saying, "I just… if you want me to come back later – you know, after you're dressed…"

"That _sl-_"

Asuka clamped her hand over Misato's mouth as the woman started forward, clearly intent on beating Rei to a pulp… a sight Asuka, freely admitted, she would not mind seeing. "Hang on," she said quickly, "it doesn't sound like they're doing anything yet… if you bust in now, they can say they were just talking."

"Mpm!" Misato protested, trying to pull Asuka's hand away from her mouth. "Mpmml mpmm MPMHM!"

Sighing, Asuka replied, "Yes I know she's naked in there, but if _he's_ not, you can't castrate him!"

"MPHMLMH!"

"Do you want to kill him, or screw him?" Asuka demanded. "And no, you can't do both!"

_Lord,_ she thought as Misato glared at her, _why am I trying to reason with a boozehound? Please, God, please, please, PLEASE let her be normal when she sobers up! I think I can handle her acting like a horny teenager if it's just the liquor talking, but if she's serious about being with Shinji… I might just need to call in a shrink._

Rei's reply must have either been too quiet to carry through the door, or obscured by Misato's muffled ranting, because the next thing Asuka heard was Shinji saying, "On the bed?"

"_MPMMPH!"_

"Ow!" Asuka hissed. "Don't bite!"

Maneuvering the older woman closer to the door while keeping a hand over her mouth proved quite tricky for Asuka as Misato was struggling and cursing through her palm… though her drunkenness allowed the redhead the edge she needed to get to a better eavesdropping spot.

"Oh my god shut _up!_"

Misato gave Asuka's palm one last attempted bite, and did as she was told, turning her attention instead to the almost-closed door to Rei's apartment.

"So," they could hear Shinji saying, "what did you need to talk to me about?"

Frowning, the two women in the hallway listened as hard as they could, finally picking out Rei's voice from the hum of the faulty overhead fluorescent lights. "We have a history final tomorrow," the blue haired girl said, "I am unprepared."

"HA!" Misato exploded, her voice loud enough to get past Asuka's fingers.

"Did you hear something?" Shinji wondered.

"I have loud neighbors," Rei replied dismissively.

"…I didn't think you had any neighbors."

Asuka gave Misato a warning glare, whispering, "Shut… up!"

They listened for several minutes as Shinji and Rei went over some very boring homework, making Asuka curse herself for actually believing that anything could be going on between these two losers.

_Never trust a drunken slut,_ she thought, finally pulling her hand away from Misato's mouth and wiping it disgustedly on her skirt. _Or a drooler…_ _God, that's so gross!_

"Come on," she muttered, "watching paint dry would be more exciting than this crap."

"Not yet," Misato mumbled stubbornly, "not until I know she's not trying to put the moves on him."

Asuka threw her hands up in the air. "I say let her," she grumbled, "I'm not staying married to him any longer than I need to, and you shouldn't even _want_ to be married to him in the first place – the only reason I'm here is to get out of this faster, got it?"

"Oh," Misato shot back, "so you don't care about him at all? You heartless little bitch!"

Wincing at the honest rage in the older woman's voice, Asuka said, "I didn't say I don't care about him, just… you're taking this out of context, goddamn it! I never said I didn't like him, I just don't want to be-"

"Missus Katsuragi."

Asuka's face went a very interesting shade of off-white.

"Missus Katsuragi," the voice behind the redhead repeated, "is there something you need?"

It took Asuka a moment to realize that the double 'missus' was deliberate.

_Only Wondergirl,_ she thought angrily, turning to face the blue-haired pilot, _time to give her a peice of… my… hey, what the hell? Did I miss the memo on it being Underdressed Thursday, or something?_

Rei, drool-worthy in a white button up shirt and underclothes, looked from one of Shinji's wives to the other, clearly expecting a response that did not involve gaping – as Asuka was – or making threatening, finger-across-the-throat gestures, which, needless to say, Misato was in the process of doing.

"What?" Asuka muttered. "Can't a couple girls go out on the town anymore? Is it so unusual that we might have happened to be on our way to an underground rave and happened to be passing by your door at one o'clock in the morning? _Well_?"

_No waaaayyyy is she going to buy this,_ Asuka thought, _plan B… what's plan B in this situation? Run? Pretend to faint? Punch her in the nose? I'm liking that last one a lot, but-_

"I see," Rei finally replied, "enjoy your party, then."

Asuka and Misato's jaws fell open at the exact same moment.

"Wait," Misato said suddenly, "where's my husband?"

Rei looked at her as if this should be obvious. "Inside," she replied. "He left a note indicating where he went."

"He… huh?"

"On the table," Rei clarified. "He said he wrote you a note and left it on your kitchen table so you would not worry. He is… very thoughtful sometimes."

Misato turned an accusing eye on Asuka. "Is there a note on the table?"

"I dunno," the redhead muttered, "I didn't look."

But Misato was already refocusing on something else Rei had said. "How thoughtful _is_ he?" she asked flatly. "And why the little pause, Rei? You sound a little too… familiar with his habits."

"Well when I told him I liked him, he was very polite to me," Rei observed, seemingly unaware that Misato and Asuka had suddenly fallen on their faces. "He said that he liked me as well, but not romantically, and-"

"Whoa!" Misato nearly screamed. "He… what are you talking about?"

Unfazed, Rei repeated, "He said that he likes me as well, but not romantically, and when I-"

"He doesn't?" Asuka cut in. "Wow… all that time he spends looking at you, I thought for sure he had a thing for you."

"Perhaps in the past, he-"

"You like him?" Misato suddenly growled. "He's married you know – twice! So-"

"Major Katsuragi."

"Huh?"

"…if you are not interested in hearing my explanation, why did you ask me for it?"

Asuka hid a laugh behind her palm as Misato glared at the First Child. It was such a simple, unassailable question that the purple-haired woman fell absolutely silent, giving Rei the chance to finish her thought.

"I let Shinji know that I like him," she said quietly, "and before I could elaborate, he said that he could not return my feelings in a romantic way, because he was romantically interested in one of his wives."

"Which one?" Asuka suddenly inquired.

Rei, however, simply continued to speak. "I informed him that I was not saying that I liked him romantically," she said levelly, "though I must admit, there is something I find magnetic about him, and given enough time – were he single – something more may come of it. At this time, however, it is simple affection, and nothing more. It would be inappropriate to involve myself with a man with one spouse, let alone two."

There was a moment of silence.

"Particularly when Shinji is sexually involved with the Second Child."

"Well of course that's an excellent – wait, _what_?"

Asuka gritted her teeth. "It's a misunderstanding," she said archly, "I'm not sleeping with my husband! Er, your husband… our husband – argh! Whatever the _hell_ he is, I don't even know anymore! God, I think I have a migraine."

"Mm," Rei hummed. "From your hesitance at school the other day, I was under the impression that you did not want it openly discussed, so I assumed that you and he-"

"If anyone's having sex with Shinji it's going to be me," Misato proclaimed, "and speaking of _my_ husband, where is he? You've been at the door an awfully long time."

"He is working on a particularly difficult history question," Rei said smoothly. "I asked for his assistance while I went to talk to my loud neighbors."

When Misato stared, Asuka muttered, "She means us, dumbass – she's craftier than she looks."

"And you don't think he'd suspect something was funny about that idea when you left in just a shirt?" Misato wondered.

"Shinji is very thoughtful," Rei said tactfully, "but he is not always very observant."

Misato looked at Asuka, speaking from the corner of her mouth as she murmured, "I think you're right about her being crafty."

Asuka slapped her forehead, dragging her hand down her face in a show of absolute disgust. "Gee," she said icily, "ya _think_?"

Stepping back into the apartment, Rei said, "I believe I should be getting back to him, however. May I assume that you do not want him to know of you visit…?"

"Fair assumption," Asuka mumbled. "See ya, First."

"Major?"

Misato, who had been rubbing her temples rather hard, looked up. "Huh?"

"May I say something a bit… personal?"

The two other women exchanged a glance. "Sure, Rei," Misato said tiredly, "can't be any more personal than what we've already said."

Rei, once again, proved this assumption wrong.

"I would like to suggest avoiding intercourse for a time," she said calmly, her voice as even as if she was discussing the weather. "I have read that people who rush into sexual relationships before properly knowing one another are often unhappy after a while with their partner, and it would… sadden me to see Shinji unhappy. Good night, Missus Katsuragi," she nodded to Misato, then Asuka, "Missus Katsuragi."

For well over a minute, Misato and Asuka stared at the door, neither one breaking the silence as Rei's final comments hung heavy in the air – a warning so deftly veiled that anyone not knowing the First would not have even noticed the minute delay or infinitesimal narrowing of the girl's eyes as she spoke.

Having known Rei for some time, of course, Misato was able to pick up on the subtlety.

"Did she just… threaten me?"

Staring at the numbers on Rei's door Asuka immediately replied, "Yes… yes she did…"

"…ah."

They considered the door for some time before Misato finally yawned and stretched, gazing at her watch in thoughtful silence before turning away from the apartment.

"Where are you going?" Asuka wondered, following the woman towards the stairs.

"Back to the bar," Misato shrugged. "My buzz is gone, and it's not even one thirty… plenty of time left to drown my sorrows and tell myself that wanting Shinji isn't such a bad thing."

"So you're sober?" Asuka asked hopefully.

Misato shook her head. "Nope," she said succinctly, "but I'm getting there – and before you ask, no, I won't want to nail Shinji any less when I sober up. This is a permanent feeling… and yes, you're still an idiot for not wanting to be with him too."

With a long, deep sigh, Asuka said, "Give me your keys… I'll drive – hell, I'll even buy, if you promise to never, _ever_ mention the words 'nail' and 'Shinji' in the same breath. I've been traumatized enough in my life without having that image in my head."

Turning round innocent eyes on Asuka, the older woman said, "Can I talk about going d-"

"That's it," Asuka cut in angrily, "we're going home for coffee! Any more booze and you'll be humping my leg… God you're a freak."

Ignoring the woman's arguments, Asuka drove them home, grinding the gears only fifteen times and effectively turning Misato's buzz into a raging headache… though when the morning came, the redhead insisted that it was a complete accident, repeatedly pointing out that she had only been driving a few times.

As soon as the older woman had gone in search of aspirin, Asuka quickly grabbed her purse and moved her German driver's license to the back of her wallet.

_So Wondergirl's not a threat,_ she thought, _now it's just a matter of time._

To be concluded…

Author's notes: only one more to go! Hawk said he'll give it a thorough read-through and make sure it doesn't suck too badly.

Hawk pre-read this chapter and chapter 11 at the same time, so when this one comes out, you'll know that 11 is only a couple days behind.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 11

A couple of days after the debacle at Rei's apartment, Misato stood waiting for her husband outside of the showers at NERV. So far, Asuka had not done anything overt to get the Third's attention, but Misato knew the redhead was just biding her time and waiting for the best opportunity. _That girl's more determined than the Commander when she wants something,_ she mused, _and I still… I'm still not sure what I would do if I had Shinji all to myself._

She scowled, reminding herself that she had not had a drop of alcohol since that night. It just wasn't safe.

_It's weird, though,_ she thought, smoothing out her skirt as the door to the locker opened and Asuka emerged, _the whole 'beer goggles' thing is in full effect. Every time I look at Shinji, he looks better to me._ She nodded as Asuka mumbled that she was going to Hikari's house for the evening. _Oh sure, leave me alone with the one man I can't keep my pants on for. Maybe Ritsuko was right… I should either sleep with him and get it over with, or hurry up and divorce him. This bet thing seems like a worse idea every single day._

In spite of these brooding thoughts, she found a silly smile lighting up her face as Shinji came out of the locker room. "Hey honey," she said. "Ready?"

"Actually, no," Shinji sighed. "Doctor Akagi told me she needed to see me before I go. Can you wait like, a half hour?"

"Of course," Misato said evenly. "I'm not leaving my husband here alone."

Shinji chuckled weakly. "You don't have to say stuff like that if no one's listening," he pointed out.

Misato winked, only half joking when she replied, "I know, but it makes me happy. I'm gonna go hang out with Kaji for a few, then. Meet me by the car in forty, ok?"

"Got it."

Giving him a playful salute, Misato wandered down to Kaji's office, knocking on the door and finding that he was actually there. _Wow,_ she mused as he gestured her in, _he's like, never here… this must be a first._

"Hey Katsuragi," he said brightly, "how's the husband?"

"Tempting," Misato retorted. "How's your magazine collection?"

"Getting bigger all the time," Kaji said coolly, "and it never complains when I stay out all weekend."

Misato stuck out her tongue. "You're probably reading other magazines on the side."

Kaji looked the woman up and down, shaking his head and unconsciously returning her smile as he observed, "Someone's in a good mood."

"Yeah, what's not to be happy about?" Misato wondered. "There haven't been any angel attacks for a little while, it's smooth sailing at work, and I have a great husband at home – everything's aces."

Cocking his head to the side, Kaji folded his arms over his chest and took a deep breath. "You mention that a lot, you know," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "I do believe that you're… a little more serious about this marriage than everyone else thinks."

Misato snorted. "Jealous, are we?" she asked dryly. "Sorry, Kaji… back then, I just wasn't ready for the whole bride and groom thing."

"Yeah, me either," Kaji replied, "I thought things were going great just the way they were… and then you told me there was someone else – no, I'm over that now, it's cool… but just so you know, I liked everything the way it was back then."

"Well, I did too," Misato smiled. "Until things started getting so heavy and moving 'that' direction."

"What direction?"

Waving a hand, Misato said, "You know… the 'wife, kids, and mortgage' direction you were pushing things in."

Kaji shook his head. "I wasn't pushing anything anywhere," he said smoothly. "Seriously… I liked things the way they were."

"Sure you did," Misato said playfully. "You were always so serious and went on and on about how we belonged together – it was only a matter of time before you asked me to marry you."

"Umm, yeah, a _lot_ of time," Kaji said seriously. "We were 19, Katsuragi… I wanted to be with you… but to say 'forever' back then? No, that wasn't on my mind at all."

"Yeah it was," Misato retorted, "I could tell."

Looking her in the eyes, Kaji slowly shook his head.

Misato's smile faded. "So you weren't… going to ask me to marry you?"

Averting his eyes, Kaji gently whispered, "No, Misato… I wasn't. Maybe, someday, I might have… but not then."

Misato leaned back against the door – hard.

"Sorry."

"No," she said hollowly, "no, don't be, I just… I always thought that's what you were going to say the day we split up…"

Kaji got up from his desk and leaned against the wall next to her. "You didn't think I was going to go for a simple 'I love you'?" he wondered quietly. "That _usually_ comes first, doesn't it?"

Without thinking, Misato said, "Not with me and Shinji."

"Ah, that," Kaji sighed.

"What?" Misato demanded, pushing away from the door and staring the man down. "Is it time for the 'he's half your age' speech, or the 'don't get involved with people you work with' speech? Asuka and Ritsuko have already given me both, in case you were wondering, and several times – each."

Kaji shrugged, meeting the woman's eyes head on as he whispered, "Actually, I was going to give you the 'I think he's good for you, why don't you go for it and tell everyone else to screw themselves?' speech."

"You basta…" she started reflexively, "…huh?"

Smiling faintly, Kaji shook his head. "It took me years to understand that we never would have worked out, Katsuragi," he said gently. "Just the way you always assume the worst of me… man, you and me, married?" He averted his eyes. "I can't even picture it now."

Though hundreds of words and thoughts were fighting to get out, Misato found that she could not speak.

And even if she had, Kaji's next words would have stopped her immediately.

"I love you," he said calmly. "Always have, always will… but love, I think, can change – or maybe it never does, and back then I just couldn't understand the kind of love I felt for you, I don't know…"

"Y-you're not making sense," Misato observed, finding that she could not raise her eyes.

"Nah, guess I'm not," Kaji sighed. "Doesn't really matter anyway… but if my opinion means anything to you anymore – which I kind of doubt – I think you should make the best of what you have and try with all of your heart to make Shinji, and yourself, happy."

Scrubbing at her eyes, Misato whispered, "You're so damn corny… so God damn corny! Make it hard on me, can't you? Don't you blame me at _all_ for breaking up with you?"

Kaji scratched his head. "Well I _did,_" he admitted. "Used to be that your name always had 'that bitch' before it… but I finally realized that if it really was love I felt for you, I couldn't stay mad at you." He shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't until I saw you again that I was able to let it all go."

"God," Misato moaned, clutching her head as if it might burst at any minute, "nothing's the way I thought it was…"

Chuckling softly, Kaji said, "Welcome to life, Katsuragi."

( 0 0 0 )

In the days after Shinji visited Rei at her apartment, things had changed quite a bit. Kaji had made himself so scarce that Shinji almost never saw him, Asuka was being remarkably polite to him (not outright nice, but close), and Misato… Misato seemed have developed bipolar syndrome, treating him coolly one minute and almost tenderly the next.

There had been no more kisses. There had been a few quiet moments on the couch or in the kitchen where Shinji was sure Misato was about to lay one on him, but nothing ever came of it.

God knew that _he_ wouldn't have the nerve to do it again – not without a crystal clear sign that it was wanted… which, based on the duality of her behavior, Shinji did not anticipate getting any time in the near future.

_At least we had that one,_ he mused, giving Asuka a little wave as she came into the living room and joined him on the couch. _It's weird,_ he thought, _Asuka's my age, goes to school with me, and pilots with me, and Misato's twice my age, way more experienced, and my BOSS at work. I… I think I like them both, but if I had to choose, I think I would-_

"Hey Shinji?"

"Hmm?"

Asuka reached out and pushed the Off button on the remote. "Look at me."

"Oh, ok," Shinji said, turning to face the girl. "What do you n-"

Shinji was cut off as Asuka slowly leaned forward and touched her lips to his. "That's what I need," she said boldly, pulling back to look into his wide eyes. "Don't look so shocked… you should have known this would happen, Third Child. As a wife, I'm not just going to sit by and let the finer things pass me by, you know."

"B-but I thought you didn't want to be married," Shinji blurted. "You said so like, a hundred times."

Asuka waved a hand dismissively. "Forget what I said for a second," she instructed, "you want me to stay married to you, don't you?"

Blinking, Shinji said, "Well, I mean… sure, if you want to…"

"Your enthusiasm is frightening," Asuka muttered. "Maybe you should try asking me instead of assuming."

"Um, ok," Shinji said, "would you-"

"My room," Asuka ordered. "We'll have more privacy there."

"Ok."

Shinji rose to his feet, following as the redhead led him into her room and shut the door, leaning up against it with a tiny smile on her face as she looked him up and down.

"So," she prompted, "you were about to ask me something?"

Shinji clenched his hands into fists. "Well," he said slowly, "we were talking about being married."

Asuka looked impatient. "Yeah," she confirmed, "and you were just about to ask me to stay married to you, right?"

Slowly, Shinji uncurled his hands. "Yes, Asuka," he said quietly, "you're the kind of person I would like to spend the rest of my life with – you and Misato both are."

"Don't put me in the same category with her," Asuka snorted, "we're completely-"

"Let me finish."

Asuka gaped for a moment, but quickly regained her composure, shrugging and folding her arms over her chest. "Go ahead."

"You and Misato are both so strong," Shinji said softly. "Neither one of you hesitates, or second guesses, or worries too much about what you might be doing wrong. You're both… just so strong. A guy like me would be lucky to be married to either one of you." He stared into Asuka's eyes for a moment, but ultimately had to look away as he concluded, "It… it kind of sounds weird, but I'd kinda like to be married to both of you, so if you want to stay married to me, then yeah, I'd like you to stay married to me, Asuka…"

For a moment, Asuka said nothing, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she stared down at the floor, clearly lost in thought. "I'm, umm… flattered, Shinji, really," she said, her voice sounding surprisingly subdued as she finally looked up into his face. "But I'm just not… ready to be married, you know? Even if Kaji wanted to get married, I'd tell him no. Yeah, sure, I want to go out with him, but marry him? No, I don't want to be married until I'm older… can you understand that?"

Shinji bit his bottom lip. "Yeah," he said carefully, "I can. Let's go back and talk to the judge tomorrow, then, and see if he'll reduce the time for us. I don't want you to be unhappy."

Asuka averted her eyes. "That won't be necessary, right Misato?"

"Misato?"

Shinji's head whipped around as Misato slipped out of Asuka's closet, refusing to meet his eyes as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, carefully folded piece of paper. "Here," Misato said quietly, "you win."

Snatching the paper from the other woman's hand, Asuka darted out of the room, pausing only long enough to mutter, "Misato can explain everything." She hesitated once more, then whispered, "Thank you…husband."

There was a very long, very uncomfortable pause as Misato gathered her thoughts. _God,_ she mused, _this is gonna suck!_

"Asuka and I made kind of… kind of a bet…" she murmured awkwardly, "about whether or not you would ask Asuka to stay married to you."

There was another moment of silence.

"Well I… I actually knew about that," Shinji said softly. "Ritsuko told me about it that day you had to wait for me."

Misato simply stared at him for a moment, as if trying to figure out if he was lying or not. "You… knew?"

Uncomfortably, Shinji averted his eyes. "Yeah," he sighed, "I knew… but I didn't know what to say, you know? I couldn't just confront you guys about it… I'm just not like that."

"So then, why did you ask her?" Misato wondered, still trying to put all the pieces together in her mind. "And why did you wait so long, if you knew about it _days _ago?"

Shinji shrugged, averting his eyes as he whispered, "Because Ritsuko told me everything about the bet… including the part about you still liking Kaji and maybe wanting to get together with him if things didn't work out with us."

Misato flushed, suddenly realizing how things might look from Shinji's point of view. "Oh," she said lamely, "right, yeah."

"So, yeah," Shinji said, shuffling his feet uncomfortably as he hesitantly looked up into Misato's face. "I guess… this means that the bet is over."

Rubbing her eyes, Misato bitterly muttered, "Yeah, and I lost."

Shinji's eyes lowered once more. "Yeah," he said softly, "you lost."

_This sucks,_ Misato thought, screwing her eyes shut in anger, _beaten by a snotty little redhead with delusions of grandeur. And Kaji… God, Kaji was right. We'd never…_

Misato's thoughts trailed off as she heard the front door of the apartment close.

"Shinji…?"

She opened her eyes… but he was gone.

_IDIOT!_

Misato nearly screamed out loud as she replayed the conversation in her mind.

_Idiot,_ she thought brutally, racing to the door and jamming her feet into her shoes. _God, why am I such an idiot? Yeah, I lost the bet, Shinji… I'm stuck with you now. Poor me – I'm STUCK WITH YOU._

Reaching ground level in record time, Misato looked up and down the street, squinting in the weak, dusky light and trying to spot Shinji. "Wait!" she shouted, her eyes finding the young man as he rounded the corner at the end of the block. "_Shinji, wait!"_

Without a second thought, Misato broke into a run.

Shinji cried out in shock as Misato threw her arms around him, making him lose his balance and tumble to the ground as she held him tightly, words bursting from her mouth in a torrent.

"I lost," she gasped, out of breath from her short run. "I lost, but I won. Don't leave, please – don't leave me because I'm stupid, ok? I don't… regret being married to you Shinji – in any way. I want to stay with you. I want you to stay with me, do you understand? I want to be Missus Ikari, so don't leave me, ok…?"

Twisting awkwardly in her tight grip, Shinji stared at her, hesitantly putting his arms around her as he whispered, "I was just going for a walk."

Misato looked at him, blinking uncertainly as tears began to run down her cheeks.

"I was just going for a walk, Misato," Shinji repeated softly, "I wasn't leaving… don't cry, ok? You don't have to cr-"

He was cut off as Misato suddenly leaned up and kissed him, holding her lips to his as her arms drew him in close. _Let's make it clear,_ she thought, _here and now… no more misunderstandings, no more second guessing… let's make it clear that we both want this._

"Marry me."

Shinji, still a little dizzy from having Misato's lips stuck to his, gasped, "I already did, remember?"

Misato shook her head. "With flowers and guests and presents and the aisle and all that stupid shitty romance movie crap," she said, her words coming out so fast they almost ran together. "I want to walk down the aisle and I want bridesmaids in ugly dresses and I want a cake and I want to dance and throw the bouquet and drink too much and I really, really," she took a deep, steadying breath, "really just want… to be with you… ok…?"

Slowly – so slowly that Misato wasn't even sure he was moving – Shinji nodded.

"…ok, but-"

Whatever the 'but' was, Misato never got to find out, because at that moment, an older woman walked past them, glancing down at them as she went by and muttering, "How inappropriate," under her breath.

Before Shinji could stop her, Misato pulled off her shoe and threw it at the woman, drawing a very surprised squawk from her.

"What do you think-"

"Hey!" Misato cut the woman off, "there's nothing 'inappropriate' here, _ma'am_."

She stared the older woman defiantly in the eye and drew Shinji into a protective embrace.

"He's my husband!"

( 0 0 0 )

All was quiet for a while. Asuka got her divorce, Kaji reappeared as if nothing had ever happened, and Rei gradually grew less interested in Shinji's affairs until finally, things returned to a semblance of normalcy. Misato agreed, after some discussion, that the fancy wedding she wanted would take some planning, and as they were already married, she could wait until their six-month anniversary to have the ceremony.

It seemed to fit.

The question of consummation came up several times – mostly brought up by a suddenly curious Asuka – but Misato and Shinji both remained silent on the topic, replying with blank expressions and unhelpful, monosyllabic grunts until whoever was asking gave up and changed the topic.

If they had done the deed, Asuka reasoned, they must have been very, very quiet about it, since she was with one or the other of them almost all the time, and the walls in the apartment were awfully thin.

…of course, she would have no way of knowing if Misato had installed extra insulation in her bedroom on a school day, or if Shinji was cutting his after-school programs to go to NERV before her and see Misato in the quiet and privacy of her office.

Both Misato and Shinji, if they had been asked about either of these possibilities, would probably have replied, politely but firmly, 'I'm afraid that's none of your business.'

One afternoon, much like the one that started everything, Shinji, Rei, and Asuka were heading towards the pribnow box to review the results of their synch tests, when the door suddenly flew open and Misato burst into the hallway.

"Hey, hey darling! Guess wha-mlph!"

All three pilots blinked in surprise as Ritsuko tackled Misato from behind, clamping a hand over the operations director's mouth. "This isn't public knowledge!" she nearly shrieked, further increasing Asuka and Shinji's confusion as she tried to yank a sheet of paper out of Misato's hand. "Give me that!"

"Ahh, college friendship," Kaji commented, wandering up and putting a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "It's a beautiful thing, isn't it, Mister Katsuragi?"

Shinji smiled. "It's Ikari now… again," he said happily. "We decided that it was worth the money to get it changed back."

"Should have gone with Souryu," Asuka interjected as the two women continued to wrestle, "it's got a much better ring to it." She glanced sideways. "Then again, I _do_ like the sound of Asuka Langley-Kaji."

"Ah… heh," Kaji said, edging a bit further away from the redhead and quickly changing the subject. "What are they fighting about, anyway?"

"I dunno," Shinji admitted, "whatever that paper is, I guess."

"Give it!" Ritsuko demanded, finally wresting the paper from Misato's hand. "God, you're so-"

Misato, finally breaking free of Ritsuko's grasp, jumped to her feet and ran to hide behind Shinji. "What's going on is simple," she said impishly, tactically weaving between the three pilots and her former lover as Ritsuko desperately tried to contain her. "You know how if you spend a lot of time at someone's house, for business or whatever, it might make sense to have your mail forwarded there?"

"Yeah?" Kaji said slowly.

"And," Misato went on, deftly sidestepping a clumsy attempt from the blonde to grab her jacket, "how if you get your mail forwarded somewhere long enough, some places think you live there?"

Asuka nodded. "Yeah?"

"Gotcha!"

Triumphantly, Ritsuko wrapped her arms around Misato's waist… but Misato took the opportunity to yank the paper out of the blonde's hands and thrust it at Shinji, laughing with delight as Ritsuko let out a defeated groan.

"'Dear Missus Ikari,'" Shinji read, smiling a bit as he remembered that this title now applied to Misato, "'Congratulations on your marriage! We at the municipal courthouse are happy to inform you that as of September four, 2015, due to your continued cohabitation with-'"

"Doctor Ikari?"

Everyone froze as Maya poked her head out of the pribnow box.

"Doctor Ikari," she repeated, "the test results are up now."

Shinji blinked as realization struck, the paper slipping from suddenly numb fingers as his arms fell limp at his sides.

"No… way…"

Silently, Rei stooped down and picked it up, her eyes quickly scanning the text before handing the paper to Asuka.

"You know," the redhead mused, handing the paper over to Kaji as Misato and Ritsuko resumed their bickering, "I'd have thought Misato would be the type to get along with her mother-in-law…" she smiled wickedly, "especially when she went to school with her."

"This is… complicated," Rei observed, her eyes cloudy with some unspoken emotion as she coolly regarded the blonde-haired doctor. "I believe I will need to speak to her about this… situation."

"Shinji," Kaji said knowledgably, "there's wisdom in this somewhere. Damned if I can find it, but I'm sure it's there. Best of luck, Mister Ikari… best of luck."

Shinji, watching his new step-mother put his wife into a headlock and utter some choice profanities, let out a deep, weary sigh.

"Thanks, Mister Kaji," he said tiredly, "somehow… I think I'm gonna need all the luck I can get…"

The End

Author's notes: the idea for the last scene was supplied by MacBeth2001, cuz he's funny and stuff. I didn't want this story to be all laughs, but I didn't want it to be too dark, either, so I'm really hoping I managed to get a little bit of everything in, with an emphasis on chuckles and grins. If I've failed, or the ending came off as too sappy, oh well. I had fun writing it, and that's all that matters – so there!

I must thank Hawk for all of his pre-reading assistance, and for letting me borrow his idea and take it in another direction. Thanks man, I couldn't have done it without you. Also, for this last chapter, I asked Hawker-748 and MacBeth2001 to give it a good once-over to keep suckitude to a minimum. Thanks for the assist, fellas!

Thanks to WarpWizard for pointing out a rather basic typo/omission in the first release.


End file.
